Internalized Little Eskimo

Oh is this real, everything is spinning out of place, painted portraits drip dry with lines of regrets
I am used to getting beat at this kind of pace, sideways in this phase, I am alone
Broken bones yielding words crushing sticks and stones, rusted reasons got me breathing hard
This heart in shards beats so loud it’s all I can hear with my inner ear pillow pressed
Perfect penetration on top a fragile drum that relies on lies that I cannot escape from
I can’t keep picking up the crumbs from you or I because an August plum needs the heat of a deep July
No sounds leak from my lips, jolted and eclipsed
No need for footsteps to confirm a safe landing
I rely on the familiar feel of loose footing by putting fault in the sea of dark blue
I’m treading inside my head, flushing thoughts I can’t make undead 
Crisp grass, confused with breaking glass, red velvet on fire
Perfect aim leads to perfect shame
My heart sits light, and this hasn’t been right
How could I miscalculate because I know that now you’re not the same
I’m holding on, your heart wants to beat regularly and this is all that I want
My pulse ignites a flame
Because you’re never coming home again
Tasks tacked every now and then to the vinyl above the sink
The word ‘inhale’ marked between groceries and things I shouldn’t have seen why wasn’t this written in ink
Eraser smudge right underneath, something that should have been there permanently
Dripping down the drain, liquid pain leaves a leaky faucet
And I forget the first breath in isn’t as complex as what should come next
Pale face with no breath out, someday we’ll do without
The sand castle pail propped up and waiting in case we never figure it out
Still violated and vexed, blistering visions of altered ambitious decisions
It all comes back to the blending of something vicious I begged not to discuss
It’s not my stride to give in to the loneliness that divides my inner side
To be with someone I’d rather collide naturally than get pushed aside indefinitely
Why does it feel like I’m dying, when this is certain I’m sure this feeling can’t be one caught lying
Face down ribs drown in a half ton of blood that is too young to grieve, because youth boils in the sun
Catching breeze from lobes dispatching a brain numbing sensation ready to set freeze
This room is too cold to hold anything in or keep anything down, no ease
To feel your bones shake would make anybody’s heart break or anybody’s ribs drown
We’re at full throttle digesting multiple bottles but a stomach surrenders, fists clench and I’m steady believing
Looking like some sort of contender, when you’re heaving you know no such thing as brakes
Blue lights caught me weaving in and out of different flights
Black and blue make the red eye look like nothing spectacular
"You Hurt Her” hue labeled in a box of crayons, I’ll give you something out of your vernacular that can’t be drawn
We were switching lanes with those champagne colored cushions, pushin weight right under us but wait
The city isn’t as bright as it used to be anymore, you shot the pilot, threat less and reckless we fall
These feelings never rest, at my best my seams are counting down to burst
When did I start to think that I’d be better off doing what I do at worst
So I’m ridding the toxic people out of my life and past my existence
I don’t wear a halo, it seems that there all attached to some outlet needing electrical assistance
Mimicking lights that blink in an out of rhythm pattern on a Charlie Brown tree
There’s just not enough space to keep traveling down and that’s all that they’re bringing me