Conducive To The Abusive Devotion

I've had this notion in my head that I can't pronounce dead
In a field filled with dandelions, I found my four leaf clover
You're arms covered me like the stars, spotting his belt and then it was over
We wanted the same things
I'm keeping my telephone company until it rings because I have no one else to sit with or call
Without you I will forever fall because crashing is not what I necessarily had planned
And I know this is not the hand that I was dealt
So what is there left to do that hasn't already been done
So what is there left to feel that hasn't already been felt
And I think alot about you nowadays
I'm afraid
You got me trapped in this maze
Every edge starts to look the same
Using all this as fuel, my fire ablaze
I sleep less and less
I guess I have no choice but to believe I'm back to those routines
It seems these days I can't get you out of my mind
And everybody feels fine
And even though it shouldn't be
I find that somehow this is okay with me
I need to invest in something stronger than a bulletproof vest
Because even my dreams are infected, my heart resisting arrest
Shaking like the Helsinki railway, I feel you from under
So strong, striking skylines like thunder I rely
I rely on sober pavement cause it implies a weak sky
Will always surrender, no lie, when the world is dressed for the occassion
Nothing has ever looked so amazing, but what a hot mess, the sky suited up in black tie
You've said goodbye so why can't I
Bring myself to give in and just forget
Oh it hurts to always be right and I dont know how
But you're still putting up a decent fight
We lost control, and I can never be left alone
It's your cover and my composure we've both blown
I'm concentrating on pacing myself through 50 and it's never burned this slow
But I swear I'm trying and I'm not sure if I can find my way back home
I wish you had knew
The size of my heart instead you've seen it through
And I wish I knew
How to pull it together
Because nothing does last forever
And no paper hearts tonight will bleed
These are real veins up against real pains
And if there is anything I've learned, it's about a habit that cannot succeed
Say you won't leave
Say your with me
On this one
On this one
I'm addicted to the way you broke me down
And I continue to break down holding on to what I'm feeling
Until every piece of me learns to release the piece I see that consistently burns
I need to know that this will be alright
Because from my line of sight everything reminds me of you
And I wish it wasnt true but as fragile as I've become I've been here before
So I am not sure why I cannot find the strength to give in because your the one who gave me up
Leaving me alone in my own zone mixed up
So I ended up leaning on being fixed up on something that I will always use to set aside and compare
As the feeling fades none of this anymore is connected to being fair
Spare me the detailed apology because that's not what I need
And if they are supposed to do anything worth while, once you part
Endings always bring you back to the start
I dont know how or if this means anything now
But the end always makes me think about how it all began
And I would like to see you try and convince yourself that all this was part of some master plan
Because things never turn out the way you visualize them in your head
Like I said I've had this notion that I can't pronounce dead
So what is there left to do that hasn't already been done
So what is there left to feel that hasn't already been felt