Frozen in his image

He never had a way with words

Couldn't warm people's hearths with a wry smile and flick of the tongue

He in fact often had an awkwardness that made my skin crawl

That's because I could feel those little militant bugs laying down the scales of my sleepwalking self

Those insects that always arrive to carry out this ritual as the days shed away like skin

And the solid demeanour I practice begins to thaw

I hated him because in him I saw my zombified self and it made me shudder

Surely by some law of environmental forces it is he who made me this way

IT IS HIS FAULT

The anger and pain that I hold inside a little jar

Which I do net even feel deserving to say I keep

As surely they will accuse me of never having actually tasted the bitter jam of grief

But maybe I'm wrong

And nobody actually cares like they never do

When you feel eyes on you like an awful itch

But you look to find that people's glares are in fact attached to the air and not you.

But I've gone on a tangent haven't I

As I always do

I was saying that I hated him

But then I don't

My principles tell me I don't

Because my principles tell me that I hate no-one

Even though I sometimes hate myself

To be honest I'm rather tired

I often get tired like this

Maybe that's why I stay indoors so my slumber coffin is never too far away

But I do give an offering to the gods everyday

An offering of brilliant light and warmth that makes the coldest fingers feel like they never parted from the suns embrace

A glimmer that twinkles a thousand times in the turquoise galaxy of the sea

Of which studs onto your heart to feel a twang of serene contentment even when you've come back from that dreamlike scape

This gem I offer to those gods

In return for the guarantee that I can feel so very still

That no ripple be born of the earth as to force me to move one toe

That my face will be porcelain that doesn't crease

But even so the edges of the eyes trickle down and down like stagnating sap as the days drip like blood from a nose

Blood from a nose

And grey toes

Closed blinds

And peeking into the light

Hangover caused by the alcohol of insomnia

Staying int he drowsy drunken state

Staying in.