"Advertise Here" Contest Submission

I had fun with this one. I hope you will too!

Are you feeling unmotivated? Are you dragging butt all day? Need that extra little jolt that coffee can't provide?

 

You have found the solution! You need the MOTIVATOR!

 

The motivator is your own personal electro prod. Using its patented Heart Rate and Breathing Analyzer, it monitors and detects when you're just sitting around watching TV or falling asleep, at which time it delivers a perfectly calibrated Motivation Jolt on a body part of your choosing.  You need the Motivator to stay active and stop all forms of procrastination for good.

 

Don't just sit there, do something! Live a better life thanks to the amazing new Motivator!

 

The Motivator is safe and effective, as it is based on cattle prod technology which has been successfully deployed for decades. Easily adhered to the body, its compact design makes it comfortable and nobody will even know you're wearing it.

 

But that's not all! As part of this introductory offer, if you order within the next 3 days, we are going to upgrade you to the award-winning PT model. This model includes an additional setting you use during exercise - it provides that extra stimulation you need to remain within your target heart rate range. Finally exercise can be fun! You will tone your muscles and lose weight, guaranteed! So don't delay! Order your Motivator today to take advantage of this incredible offer!

 

We are so convinced that this product is going to work for you that we offer a full, unconditional 30-day 100% Money Back Guarantee! If you do not at least double your productivity, you can send it back for a full refund of your purchase price. We even pay for return shipping.

 

"I have been using the motivator for two weeks now, and I haven't slept a wink. I have (Zzzap!) ...have had an incredible boost in productivity. I have painted my whole house. I'm caught up on all my emails. I truly feel liberated. And if that weren't enough, I have lost 12 lbs already! The Motivator really works! I have recommended it to all my friends!"

-- Teresa D., Houston, TX

 

You have nothing to lose and everything to gain! Order today! 

Call 888-345-JOLT, or order online at www.flyByNightIndustries.com/motivator . 

This order is not available in stores, so order now! 888.345-JOLT. Operators are standing by.

 

When you call, ask about the amazing Motivator Deluxe Implant Model, a favorite among executives, porn stars and professional athletes.

 

Call now!

 

Must be 18 years or older to order.

Side effects may include, but not limited to involuntary orgasms, night terrors, aggressive behavior, heart palpitations and death.

This device should not be used on subjects with implanted electric devices(e.g. pace makers, vibrators).

This device has not been cleared by the Homeland Security. Use at your own risk at security checkpoints.

Batteries not included.

Author's Note

Comments are welcome. Thank you!

Reviews

[Suzanne Sherif]

OMG this is funny! You simultaneously make fun of:

a) The fact that American culture smiles upon people who are hyper-busy
b) Anything that Billy Mayes is selling at the moment
c) American drug ads

Triple satire! Very good!

[Yun]

Haha.

Loved how it got suddenly very sexual at the end. Found the disclaimer at the end was hilarious, as was the little blurb from Teresa.