CLUBBING!

How I feel when out clubbing

The lights are flashing, the music is ablaze,

I drink and i drink until im in a daze.

The music is blearing and oh what a beat,

I cant seem to stop moving my feet.

　

A smile creeps onto my face, and my worries fade away,

There gone for tonight, ill save them for another day.

Because the night is still young, and i feel so alive,

I wish the light of a new day would never arive.

　

Bodies on bodies the crowd continues to expand,

the music gets louder, as the crowd demands.

Everybodys drinking and having a blast,

Though the time does seem to fly by so fast.

　

Taking a short rest, I laugh and talk to a good friend,

Due to loud music, some things we struggle to comprehend.

The music is filled with a fire and a passion, that now burns in me aswell,

and by the way im moving to the beat its not that hard to tell.

　

The lights are still flashing, the music still ablaze,

Im now caught in this clubbing craze.

The music is still blearing but oh whats that sound,

I wake to my alarm, and oh my head sure pounds.

　

Last night was a blast, but every good night must come to an end,

Its back to reality, but the next clubbing night is just around the bend.

Reviews

[Amber Lily]

Is this the one I helped inspire you with? If so, it looks like it turned out great! There are a few grammar errors you may wish to address, but other than that I enjoyed this one. I truly got a feel for how much fun you have while you're out and about. Great work :)

[cimmy wuv xxxooo]

Thank you Amber :)

[LKBillips]

Ah man, now I want to go party! lol. Loved this one. Nothing like losing yourself to the beat and letting all the daily trepidations go. :)

[cimmy wuv xxxooo]

Yes there is nothing quite like it haha.
Thanks for your review :)

[cycy]

take me with you.....lovely piece we can all totally relate especially the next morning bit hahaha

[cimmy wuv xxxooo]

Haha :) thanks glad you liked it and can relate

[Érenn]

While the effort of you writing down this particular experience is commended, I am sorry to say in the rest of the departments you have failed to deliver a punch. You have several spelling errors, some spacing missed, and a lot of punctuation marks not present. Your execution of your idea is cliched. Your need to rhyme every time it is evident. You are forcing your rhymes, the poem lacks rhythm , the flow not present and the structure is anything to me but poetry. Too many words repeated, too many words present, could have been crisper, shorter, better presented. Might I suggest writing this same thing without rhymes, and more showing than telling?
Your language can be simple no need for extensive vocabulary but advisable, to not repeat the same words. The most important element of poetry is a sense of rhythm and no disruption in flow, yours seems too choppy.

Just a friendly suggestion: Always recheck or revise before posting your stuff, take care of errors and punctuation.
Example: There gone for tonight, ill save them for another day.

I will read ill as ill i.e. sick not I'll so you can see how one mark changes the whole meaning of the sentence.

There are many more examples, but this being one of the glaring errors.
Again I commend the attempt of trying to express your experience of a clubbing night, but I am sorry this poem is too lacking in terms of anything else.

P.S. I mean no disrespect or rude to your write up nor am I undermining the efforts you have put in. It's my nature to be blunt and I say things as they are. And apologies if I did sound rude to you.

[cimmy wuv xxxooo]

This kind of does hurt but its also just your opinion. If you didnt like anything about my poem at all why did you comment?
And bother to leave such a huge kind of horrible review.
I rhyme all more poems sounds more poetic that way. I actually like poetry better when it rhymes.
I do appreciate your straight foward blunt nature because its exactly how i am. So this is me being honest back.
Also i think if i was goin to pubish this then grammar would have to be perfect. I think as long as the poem is readable grammar isnt the biggest deal, the meaning and emotion of the poem matters.

[Pete]

this captures the experience so well. you can feel yourself there. too bad it has to end. i see you are into the rhyme scheme. Good job.

[cimmy wuv xxxooo]

Iv never wrote a poem without rhyming haha.
Thanks for the review glad you liked it :)

[Xxxxxx]

Beautiful, seem like it is a huge blast going out clubbing. I never been to one so this poem really gave me a sense of it, thanks!

[cimmy wuv xxxooo]

Thanks for the review. :) if you do go I hope you enjoy your first time :)
I didn't start going until recently

[WittyWonka]

While not a club guy myself (never been to one, actually), nor much of a partier, I can appreciate how you describe your experience so passionately. Nicely done, Cimmy

[cimmy wuv xxxooo]

Thankz witty :) appreciate your reviews always. Its to bad ur not it can be allot of fun

[WittyWonka]

You're welcome, Cimmy, but I am sure it is for those who like that kind of thing. Loud music and crowds are not a fit for me. I prefer gatherings that are quieter and less crowded, like me and a book :)

[cimmy wuv xxxooo]

Lol fair enough :) thanks again

[Coyote Poetry]

Very good to enjoy life. I liked the words and the photo. Good to dance and be with the good friends. Thank you for sharing the fun poem to read.
Coyote

[cimmy wuv xxxooo]

Thankz coyote for your review :)

[Coyote Poetry]

You are welcome.

[Bala Gorthi]

A beautiful write expressing your joy of clubbing..
I loved it when you said I wish the light of new day would never arrive. This is exactly how one feels when one has a real good time..
Just enjoy the good times and pen more poems for us. Thank you for this write..

[cimmy wuv xxxooo]

Thank you for this review :)

[barleygirl]

This being the polar opposite of my idea of a good time, it's good to get a clear visual on how it's done & how that feels. There seemed to be an almost throbbing quality to your message, like strobe lights. Good rhyme & interesting rhythm (I see you get a little carried away on the length of some lines, rather than keeping the structure more uniform).

There are a few typos, but I'll only mention the ones that feel like bump for comprehension:
1st stanza/3rd line: "blearing" . . . might be better as "blaring"
2nd stanza/2nd line: "There" should be "they're"

[cimmy wuv xxxooo]

Thankz hun your reviews are always appreciated :)