FEARLESS AND FREE!

                   Fearless and Free...
April was her name, and oh wasn't she a glorious sight,
With her beautiful long black hair, dark as night,
I called her mine, my girl, the one who held my heart,
So beautiful, with such a huge personality, a true work of art.

But really April belonged to no one in a way,
She always had things to do, places to go, things to say.
Never home, out till all hours off the night,
Always giving her parents such a fright.

We went on all sorts of crazy adventures together,
I kissed her on top of the tallest building, in the wet stormy weather.
We went bungy jumping, sky diving, she would do anything for a thrill,
Name the craziest thing ever, dare her to do anything, she will.

I fell for April from the moment I first saw her, I was hooked,
She on the other hand, had a different guy with her, every time I looked.
It took April awhile to come around, to want only me over all the rest,
But I was patent, and we built a strong connection, and soon I was her best.

One night though after drinking way to much, she went to get into her car to drive,
We had an argument, I told her to calm down, and wait for our taxi to arive.
She laughed at me though blood shot eyes, and a smile creeped up on her face,
She looked over to her friend, in the car beside her, and said bet I can beat you in a race.

Before I could grab her, or hold her back, her car had already taken off at full speed,
This was crazy and one of the most stupid things she had ever done indeed.
I got in my car quickly to try and stop her, my heart beating at such a fast rate,
I saw the lights turn red up ahead, she speed past them, and with a bang, I was to late.

Her car was completely destroyed, and April was thrown onto the side of the road,
As I raced to her side, the fear inside me only growed and growed.
As i reached her and held her in my arms, seemed like the world around me stopped,

It was now just her and I, and when I couldn't find her heartbeat, my heart dropped.

I held her lifeless body in my arms, and clung onto her, as people tried to tear me away,
I was out to the world, and I couldn't here a thing they where trying to say.
I can't remember just how many days it was that i cryed and cryed and cryed,
It just seemed unreal, and I couldn't seem to let her go no matter how hard I tried.

               

Fearless and free....
Was how she lived, and now she can be fearless and free in death as well,
I'll always love her, and ill never forget her, but its time for me to say farewell.
She's my soul mate in everylife, my other half, my forever, you see,
and I know no matter what lifetime it is, April will always be fearless and free.

    

Reviews

[barleygirl]

Excellent job of telling a story in a poem. One of the most difficult aspects of this story-poem genre is pacing. Many times people do not spend enuf time setting up the situation, introducing us to the characters, etc. In this piece, you've done that well by giving examples to show us specific things she does to earn the moniker "fearless & free" -- perfectly SHOWING instead of telling. Also, I like the way you meandered thru the details of what happened in this situation & you also took plenty of time to describe how it felt to see her dead. Many poets rush thru these things, but in your poem, packed with sensory details, it's like watching a film of this happening.

Just a little mention of the considerable number of mistakes & typos, etc. . . . and also you have a habit of blathering on & on with many extra meaningless words that could be pruned out to achieve a uniform rhythm from line to line, instead of having your lines go willy-nilly in length & rhythm. Don't know if you ever tried counting syllables, but that's one way to start learning to achieve uniformity from line to line.

[cimmy wuv xxxooo]

Thanks allot for your review :)
Yes my grammar needs improvement.
So you think some lines ehere dragged out/ to long?

[barleygirl]

Here's an example (from my point of view):
"This was crazy and one of the most stupid things she had ever done indeed."
could be pruned to:
"The most crazy and stupid thing she had ever done indeed."

Another example:
"I held her lifeless body in my arms, and clung onto her, as people tried to tear me away"
could be pruned to:
"Clinging to her lifeless body as people tried to tear me away"

But this is all just assuming one would want to try for consistency from line to line . . . if you like your rambling style, then go for it!

[cimmy wuv xxxooo]

No i actually kind of agree with you.
Ill think about changing it thanks

[C. Rose]

I'm fixating on the line "But really April belonged to no one in a way" It seems to me to be implying that April not belonging to anyone, not belonging to the speaker because there was always someone else, not belonging to her parents because she was always going out - is a bad thing. But you call her free which has a positive connotation, but she dies because of her recklessness. And in the middle the speaker thinks they have a connection with April, but April's continued reckless freedom makes me think the speaker was wrong. That the speaker was just along for April's ride, and April never connected to the speaker.

Is this something you were trying to show or am I reading into it too far?

[cimmy wuv xxxooo]

I think you may be reading into it a little to far. Or confusing me a little bit haha.
But its interesting to see what you got out of my poem and i am still greatful for your feedback :)

[cimmy wuv xxxooo]

I think i get what your saying. April couldnt be controlled by anywon even him/ the speaker/ the guy who loved her.
She was falling for him to though it didnt matter how much she loved her parents or him she like i said couldnt be contained or controlled it was just who she was.
I guess in the end no one could fully understand her.
Yes being so fearless and free was not a very good thing

[Jamestown]

Wow! This is very sad but also so relatable,
I too would describe my brother as fearless & free:)
Thanks for sharing and b-blessed!

[cimmy wuv xxxooo]

I hope this didnt bring up any sad memories. Im glad you enjoyed this though and that you can relate.
Thanks for the review james 🙂

[Nessly]

Beautifully sad. You truly gave April a life of her own. Great read.

[cimmy wuv xxxooo]

Thank you for your review :)

[Michael (Letters and Li..]

Great characterization. A truly remarkable poem. I never expect anything less from a truly great writer like you, my friend.

[cimmy wuv xxxooo]

Awww well thank you so much for your wonderful review

[JoshuaCmngs]

-Dabs eyes- This was really moving to me, Great poem.

[cimmy wuv xxxooo]

I'm glad you liked it :)

[Lilaa]

Omg. This is amazing! Short,sweet and to the point! Gosh, keep writing I loved every minute of it! Full ratings :D

[cimmy wuv xxxooo]

Thank you glad you liked it. I actually think it was to long haha :P

[Lilaa]

Short for me haha, guess i'm used to always reading longer poems :p, great work tho! Loved ig

[cimmy wuv xxxooo]

haha you must read really looong poetry, more like story's :P
thanks again :)

[Insight "MH"]

This is a heartbreaking love story, It really shows that fear, sometimes, is a good thing to have.
Well done this is well written.

[cimmy wuv xxxooo]

Thank you so much for your review :)

[Insight "MH"]

You are welcome.

[Inject Positivity]

Wow!!! Thrilling and magical....It took me to a mysterious world....Wonderful use of words and masterly presented the whole thought....Passionate write.....You dragged the reader to your thoughts here.....I loved the type of freedom you have mentioned here.....Full ratings!!! "April will always be fearless and free".....

[cimmy wuv xxxooo]

Thank you so much for the wonderful review glad you liked it :)

[jacob erin-cilberto]

"april, come she will, when streams are ripe and filled with rain" (simon and garfunkel)

this is intense and intensely sad.

why is it that some can only really be free in death...that life is so full of metaphorical chains and bars?

[cimmy wuv xxxooo]

I guess everyone is different. Thank you for the review :)