THE WAY IM FEELING (VENTING)

Not really a story but it was the best category to put this in. I want to see if anyone can relate and wants to talk to me about it.' I needed to get my feelings out and i couldn't poetically.

For a while now i have been feeling like this im scared of the future, of change. 

When i say scared i mean i feel like im not ready and everything's hit me to fast and i cant do it.

Somehow im already 20 years old i mean where did the time go

I cant help but cling onto my childhood years when everything was easy and i didn't have to worry about anything.

Although im not a child anymore im an adult and im not ready to be but i am and i have to be ready.

I have to be ready to get a job, to get there im going to need to learn how to drive.

With all this stress at home i cant wait to move out and to afford that i need to be ready to move out.

I'm mostly scared of getting a job, i seem to argue with everyone close to me about working. 

They say i don't try, which is true i don't i keep pushing it back all the time.

My boyfriends upset he just wants to move out with me and for that i need a job we both do, he wants me to move forward with my life.

I cant bring myself to look hard or to even try, i cant help it thinking all these negative thoughts that i wont get into anything i will like.

Its not like that's not true it most likely is because im so different and unique, and the jobs i would mostly want are to hard to get seeing as my options mostly consist around working with animals, or anything with writing. 

I know realistically that wont happen and i need to open my options i know. 

I'm just fussy and i feel i have the right to be i mean it might not be a job that lasts forever but it might be months at a time of working there. What if i don't like it its going to be a big part of my life so im worried that's normal right.

I mean how can people just deal with it and say that's life, when working becomes almost half of your life.

Well that's mostly whats on my mind for now feels good to let it all out, maybe i may write another one of these if i feel its worked well.

I hope i can find someone who can relate to this to talk to would be nice to talk to someone going though the same thing.

If you have sat here and read this whole thing thank you so much for reading and for your time. 

please read and review thanks..... CIMMY

 

Reviews

[Sarrow]

Awhile ago I was worrying about this, I had to get a job and I wanted one that I would like. But what I realised was that yes the job you get is important and you don't want it to be completely horrible, but right now, at this age (for me), my study and future was more important. When I was looking for a job I wasn't looking for a future, I was looking for something that would bring in some money. My study is for my future, my job is for money for now. If I have a horrid job now but good study, then I can get my dream job in the future. That's just what I think. I did though manage to get a job that I was at first really worried about, but I love it, so you never know what a job can turn out to be.
If you like animals and want to work around them (I don't know much about that area), but I think it might be something you need to study for. If you don't have lots of time or money, have you considered TAFE? They do have animal related courses and some are part time (and the hours can be pretty casual depending on what you do anyway so you can fit in a job as well). With a qualification it should be easier to get a job in that area, even if it's just as a vet receptionist to start off.
Well, I wish you the best of luck with whatever you do (I know you posted this a couple of months ago so maybe you've found something). I hope things go well for you.

[cimmy wuv xxxooo]

thanks sorrow. i did write this months ago yes but i appreciate your feedback :)
im sure ill eventually find something im pretty sure theres a job for me near christmas that im getting, its just a clothes shop i don't like it much but i guess ill have to put up with it for now.
the only thing ill ever be truly happy doing is anything with animals, i have a long way to go, and thanks i may think of doing a course or something :)

[Riding the Rainbow]

I totally felt and sometimes I still feel as the same way as you do..
Fight for what makes you happy and feel complete..

[cimmy wuv xxxooo]

thanks mean allot knowing that you relate :)
and im not the only one going though it.
thank you for letting me know im not alone :)

[Riding the Rainbow]

you're never alone..remember that..if you want to talk, I'm here..

[cimmy wuv xxxooo]

thank you thats sweet :)

[Riding the Rainbow]

I've been through a lot so I understand

[cimmy wuv xxxooo]

thats great that u understand. Sorry to here that

[zaneybear]

it's normal to be scared, I know it's a cliché, but it's a part of life to be scared of whats next and not knowing. follow your dreams

[cimmy wuv xxxooo]

thanks :) i know and will do

[annabellee]

hey you I'm nearly twenty, too and I can relate to it. The future scares me too, I also have this dream of being a writer but I know that that's not really realistic.
But I think you should definitley find a job, find sth you like (and I mean you could work at a vet or sth if you love animals that much), 'cause I think if you have sth to lean on, sth that will guarantee you a safe future, things will be easier (you can still work on being a writer in the meantime, I do too)
but I have a university place now and I'm very happy to just know what I'm going to do for the next few years
Anyways I really hope things will turn out good for you. :)

[cimmy wuv xxxooo]

Thanks Anna so glad you can see where im coming from and you relate its good to find people who can relate to me.
Its not and finding something with animals is not really realistic either.
thanks Anna i hope so to :)
Thanks for review :)

[annabellee]

you're most welcome :)

[NA]

This might surprise you but I have a 20 year old daughter that feels just like you...in fact I have heard her say those exact things you've said. It's normal to be scared hunni....but you have a wonderful life ahead of you...the only advice I can give is never settle...go after your dreams no matter how hard it seems or even how hopeless things seem at times. You only get one shot at this life so make every moment count. I was pregnant at your age so my life was my child and I never got to do anything that I wanted (not that I would change having her she is my life) but I do wish I had gone after my dreams when I had the chance.

You have a great adventure ahead of you...don't fear it...embrace it...you've got a wonderful supportive boyfriend and that counts for a lot. I wish you all the success and happiness in the world hun xx

[cimmy wuv xxxooo]

It suprises me alright. those pictures of you must be very old because you look 20 in the pictures :)
I had no idea you had a kid i know its 20 years to late but congratulations.
Thanks so much for the support Raven it means so much :)
Does your daughter also write?
That must have been hard.
Im sure you will still achieve your dreams your life is still far from over good luck :)
Thanks hun i will try i would be more positive but right now my boyfriend is the only positive happy thing in my life i dont know what i would do without him.
Thank you again hun so much same to you xx

[NA]

haha actually hun, the pictures are very recent taken within the last few months lol..I get told I look in my 20s all the time, my bf is 24 we look around same age lol

My daughter doesn't write, I wish she would it's a great outlet x

[cimmy wuv xxxooo]

isnt your daughter 20? and your boyfriends 24 did you say?'
Yer you look extreamly young for your age lol.
She hasnt tried or she has but cant get into it??

[NA]

yup lol...long story...no hun, she hasn't tried, lacks patience and concentration x

[cimmy wuv xxxooo]

Lol thats sad i thought she would take after her mother. '
im sure she has her own talents

[Vee]

Hey! I knw how you feel! It is scary but try not to over think it. You can achieve anything and do anything that you want! Everything happens when its suppost to and it will just feel right and you will know. Your life won't always be this way. You remind me alot of myself, I'm 22 and I was in the same place as you when I was 20. I felt trapped and I felt that my life had more meaning than just going to work everyday and earning a salary and it was like your employer controlled your life because you had to adhere to all the rules etc, but then I realised that the only one resoponsible for my life is me and I'm the only one who can change the way I feel about things. My dream is to own an art studio and have a few books published by the time I'm 35, but I don't know what god's plans for me are. Right now, I have a job, and its just a stepping stone to my real dream. You are special and being different is a GREAT thing. I believe you should do whatever YOU want to as long as you're not hurting anyone else. You like animals, why not try animal nursing or journalism since you like writing as well. Everything will be okay and don't you worry, God has a plan for you :-)
Also, move at your own pace, you don't need to meet anyone's expectations.
Take Care!

[cimmy wuv xxxooo]

Thanks so much for your kind words. It means so much to me to here of someone thats gone though the same thing. Someone that shares my love for writing.
Thats how i feel its going to be that if i hate the job the money wont feel like its worth it.
I wish you the best of luck with your dreams, i would love to be an author and would also love to have my books published.
i ove being different i dont want to be like everyone else im glad im different, just sucks job wise because im fussy.
Im going to try so hard to get into anything to do with animals.
Thank you so much for trying to lift my spirts i will read over this when im down.
thanks for taking the time to read and review thanks again so much.
You take care to :)

[mark]

you will be fine babe i promise :) u don't need to be scared of growing up, it's how life is.
you're right, at times it gets really hard and i know that.
im sorry for getting upset at you about it, i completely understand how u feel.
Being the way u are is gonna be hard to get something u like. You just have to leave yourself with more options and discover what u will actually like doing for jobs, and the only way to do that is try. you don't have to stay there. Just try out some different types of jobs and you might surprise yourself, you might actually like it. i don't like seeing you like this, it breaks my heart.
i want to see you happy and most of the time lately i haven't seen you very happy.
i am going to help you through this OK i promise :):)
I love you sooo much :)
xxxooo

[cimmy wuv xxxooo]

I hope your right hun. Unfortunately thats true.
sure does :(
Its ok i just dont know when i can talk to you sometimes.
Thank you for being there for me hun.
I know it will be almost everything else would suck though, but i hope your right maybe theres something else out there for me maybe....
Im scared ill get something i hate so much and then ill be even less happy i want to be happy thats all i want. I don't know if getting a job will make me happy maybe the opposite.
thanks hun i know you will it means allot having you there for support.
i love you much more dont know what i would do without you :)

[mark]

you're welcome just stay positive OK. don't always think of the worst when you don't know for sure what can/will happen :)

[cimmy wuv xxxooo]

ill try babe...

[mark]

u better lol :P