The Pursuit of Evil (6)

In life there will always be people who doubt your abilities.

Sloth

 

Today I fell off a horse.  How was I supposed to know you’re meant to yo-yo up and down in a trot or else you lose balance and nosedive to the ground. For what it’s worth, I fell with grace, and I think my instructor was impressed. I got back up on my horse immediately because I am a winner. The instructor then kept telling me to feel what the horse was thinking so as to remain in control at all times. I kept thinking of hay and straw and sniffing my friends--when I fell a second time. This time around I just lay on the ground for 2 minutes because the sand pit was comfy and everyone thought I was unconscious. Sloth is a lifestyle to which I have adjusted well.

 

It turns out I broke my leg, but that’s fine by me because I don’t use my legs much anyway. My leg is in a cast and I’m so looking forward to the upcoming weeks of little to no movement. For some reason everyone refuses to believe that I fell deliberately. I was trying to make a statement about horse riding safety but they won’t buy it. What they are buying are flowers and “get well” cards that make me want to get worse purely out of protest. Flowers bring me about as much joy as a sack of potatoes would. At least I could eat the potatoes. In any case, I want to stay in the hospital for as long as possible because I am sensing a great romance between myself and the male nurse in our ward. His name is Josh and he is wholesome, blonde, and clean-cut, and I believe he would make a good father to our children. He calls his mom “badass” so he sounds like a good soul.    

 

“What are your favorite composers?” Josh asks. My piano skills have piqued his interest.

 

“I’ve been playing a lot of Franz Liszt lately. La Campanella is my favorite of his because it builds up momentum so beautifully. I’m not too big on Mozart, but I love Bagpipe Dance. Shostakovich’s Lyric Waltz is great too, as is his Spanish Dances. He’s a very lively composer. But Tritsch Tratsch Polka by Strauss is possibly my favorite piece ever.”

 

Josh is so impressed he yawns. He sits down on a visitor’s chair and I take this as a request to tell him more.

 

“Aside from innate musicality, finger agility is where it’s at. If your thumbs aren’t quick enough, you lose.”

 

“How much do you play a day?”

 

“It depends. Sometimes an hour and a half. Sometimes not at all. It’s addictive if you’re good at it.”

 

Josh stares at me intently. He has finally understood that he is in the presence of greatness. It’s at this point that I consider whether to propose but he is the first to break the silence.    

 

“Hey, you’re clearly an amazing pianist. Could you teach me how to play sometime?”

 

I mull this over for a moment.

 

“You actually don’t need anyone to teach you. I taught myself.”

 

Awe is written across his face. “You’re a child prodigy, then.”

 

This is music to my ears and I act like I didn’t hear him. He repeats himself. I’m feeling great.  

 

“I can play you a song now, if you like. I’ll play Gypsy Rondo, by Haydn. I think he was Mongolian or maybe French.”

 

I rummage through my bra for my phone and open Piano Tiles. I motion for Josh to come over.  

 

“What are you doing?”

 

“I’m going to play the piano for you, duh.”

 

“But, how--”

 

I begin to play. My thumbs dart across the screen as I hit each black tile to the frolicsome tune of Gypsy Dance. “I told you I was good!” I squawk as I reach 2500 points. The room is silent save for the melody dancing from wall to wall. Finally, at 2750, the tiles are speeding so fast I feel a heart attack coming on and not even I can keep up anymore. I hit a white tile and the game is over. I look up at Josh with pride.

 

“I thought you actually play the piano.”

 

“Okay, rude. What do you think I was doing?”

 

He looks at me with dismay. “You were playing Piano Tiles.”

 

I heave a deep sigh of regret.

 

“Josh. I don’t think you can be the father of my children after all. I need someone with a gift for music and all you care about is labeling things. I am not a zoologist. I am a musician. Now leave me be.”

 

Josh glares at me. His face is so red, I’m starting to feel some concern. He turns around on his heels and looks back at me ferociously. “By the way, I know you only twisted your ankle. You’ll be leaving the hospital tomorrow.”

 

I can’t believe it. I didn’t think Josh was capable of something I would do. But as they say, all's fair in love and war!

 

To be continued...“Greed” up next! :D