One of My Many Testimonies From God

They say that

Marijuana is a gateway drug to far worse things.  I was headed down that path.  I almost got started onto worse things.  Then this beautiful baby girl came into my

life and changed my life forever. 

 

          I was being pressured into using meth

and heroin.  I never did though but I was

being pressured.  That’s how I got started

with marijuana.  I was being

pressured.  Proverbs 1:10 says “My child

if sinners entice you do not consent.”  I

was being led on and being told that doing drugs was the cool thing to do.  It would make me more mellow.  It would solve all my problems.  But It didn’t solve my problems.  It was just leading me down a path of misery

and failure.

 

          I was 19 years old when I moved out of

my grandparents house the first time.  I

had a lot on my mind and I just wanted to die but someone came and got me and I

lived with that person for at least a year. 

I almost committed suicide.  1

Corinthians 3:17 says “If anyone destroys God's temple, God will destroy him.

For God's temple is holy, and you are that temple”  If something causes you to almost commit

suicide think about it.  Who are you

hurting?  You are only hurting yourself

and god because god has created you in his image.  You are gods temple and god loves you

unconditionally.  God sees the good in

everyone.  Don’t hurt yourself because

you are gods temple.  It took me a long

time to finally figure out that if I hurt myself I was also hurting people who

love and care for me but I was also hurting God because he was the one that

created me.  

 

I was diagnosed

with a mental illness when I was 10 years old. I started out with ADD but then

ADD turned into ADHD.  By the time I

turned 18 years old I had been diagnosed with adhd, bipolar, ptds, anxiety,

depression, night terror disorder, eating disorder, agoraphobia, Claustrophobia,

insomnia, OCD, Panic Disorder, and Sleep Disorder.  Yes I may have some issues.  But I am still human and I still have

feelings.  Just because I am different

doesn’t mean that I am any less of a human. 

God only makes creations to have a purpose on earth.  Everyone is special.  God made everything to his ideal plan.  Sometimes we wonder what god could possibly

want with us on this earth.  We may not

know what it is.  But we will definitely

know when we found our purpose because god will make sure we know that we found

our purpose

 

          At first I was this little church girl

who had a bright future ahead of her. 

Then everything started hitting at once. 

I was being pressured into drugs and that’s how I started smoking

cigarettes as well.  I will talk more

about this later but I just want to say that I don’t regret anything in my past

because If everything I have been through never happened then I wouldn’t be

here sharing my story with all of you. 

 

          I was only 19 and I started

drinking.  I was a heavy drinker at that

time because I had all this stress and everything going on that I just wanted

to drink my pain away.  I thought

drinking would solve all my problems.  I

was so unhappy and miserable that I just wanted all my pain I was going through

to be gone.  This may sound weird but at

one point I heard god telling me “Samantha, why are you doing this?  I love you. 

Stop doing this so you can spend all eternity with me.”

 

          That November I got a phone call from

my sister.  She was pregnant.  At first I was very jealous of my sister

because at that point I had had 6 miscarriages and my sister was pregnant.  I wasn’t so sure if I wanted to be part of

this babies life or not.  I debated and

thought and I finally made my decision. 

I wanted to be in this babies life for all we know this might be the

only thing that ill ever come close to having my own child.  Then day came where my sister had the most

beautiful baby girl I had ever seen.  Her

name is Makenna Lynn. 

 

         I used to be a cutter.  I just wasn’t happy with my life I used to

cut and try to hide my marks…but some people who actually really cared about me

took notice in the way I was acting.  I used

to be bulimia.  I would eat then make

myself throw up because I had been put down so much I just wanted to be

beautiful and not fat or ugly.  For the

longest time someone would have to follow me to the bathroom because I had been

doing that.  I am not afraid to admit and

I know its nothing to be proud of but I had been doing that secretly since I

was 18 years old.  Ecclesiastes 7:17 says

“Do not be a fool…why die before your time?” 

You are gods temple and you should cherish gods temple.  He will protect us all from harm if we just

give our lives for him.

 

When I was 18 years

old I was raped for the first time and became pregnant.  Ava Lynn would have been her name.  I had dreams all the time about a little girl

with blonde hair and blue eyes.  I

remember it like it was yesterday.  I try

not to remember it but I do.  It was on

October 2 2011.  Ava’s due date was on

July 27th 2012.

 

In February when I

was homeless I was staying with one of my best friends well at least I thought

she was my best friend.  I had just taken

my night meds and I didn’t feel good and she knew I didn’t feel good and she

knew that I had just taken my meds.  But

she let someone who I hardly know come into the house and while I was under the

influence of my meds he had taken advantage of me leaving me pregnant with

Jayden Matthew and Cayden Nicholas they were supposed to be due November 3

2013.  In April I had been with they guy

for about a year and I love kids and I do want one of my own.  We ended up pregnant with our babies Maya

Faith and Mahayla Hope.  I was under so

much stress I lost them.  They were due

January 26 2014.  In June I was with this

really sweet guy.  We had been together

for quite a while and yes I know I did sin. 

He waited until I found out if I was pregnant or not to decide to verbally

abuse and send me in and out of panic attacks and anxiety attacks

constantly.  I was pregnant with Heidi

Elizabeth.  When I told him that I was

pregnant he left me.  Heidi was due on

March 7 2014.  Then I was seeing this guy

but not really seeing him I was just wanting to hang out with him and get to

know him.  But no that’s not what he

wanted.  Once again pregnant with Kailey

and Lila supposed to be due on April 15th 2014.  And then finally my last and final trauma I

have been through was with someone I didn’t even know.  I was pregnant with Alexis Elizabeth who is

supposed to be due on October 25 2014.   Psalms 51:10 says “ Create in me a clean heart

oh god and renew a right spirit within me.”  I have been raped on and off since I was 18

and every time I just pray and ask god to please make me pure again.  I asked him to give me a clean heart again so

that I may worship the lord and sing praise to the lord like I do. 

 

I know I had sex

before marriage but all of that is in my past…Don’t judge me by my past.  Only god can judge me.  Nobody is perfect therefore we have no reason

to judge each others mistakes.  Ill admit

I have made mistakes that I am not proud of but I don’t regret any of them

because if they never happened I wouldn’t be where I am right now. 

 

I thought I needed

all this to be happy.  God never gave me

a child yet because I am not ready.  He

is waiting until I am ready before he blesses me with a child.  I thought I was ready at the time but god

kept saying “Don’t cry, I have something much better in store for you” 

 

Does anything  in my past really make me any less of a

Christian?   No it doesn’t.    Matthew

11:28 says “Come to me all who are weary and heavy burdened and I will give you

rest”  With everything I have been

through I lifted it up to god and he relieved my pain and all the burdens I had

on my shoulders.  I know I have sinned…I

have done some horrible stuff in my past but that’s the past…I am a new person

and god forgave me for everything.  It

took me a while but I finally forgave myself. 

For the longest time I kept thinking everything that happened to me was

my fault.  I mean why would I keep

putting myself in those situations?  I

have been told that someone keeps putting themselves into situations like that

because they have been hurt too much and it feels natural.  I don’t know if that makes sense but I tried

explaining it the best I could.  If it

doesn’t make sense I am sorry but I tried explaining it.

 

I just felt like my

whole world was falling.  Like everything

around me was tearing me apart.  I just

didn’t want to go on anymore.

 

Proverbs 18:10 says

“The name of the lord is a strong tower, the righteous run into it and they are

saved.”  The lord is our strong

tower.  He throws challenges at us and we

have to figure out how to get through those challenges without feeling hopeless

and worthless.  Just trust in the lord

with all your heart<3 and lean not on your own understanding. Proverbs 3:5.

 

I didn’t think I

had a purpose on earth.  I just felt so

worthless like nothing I did was right and like every time I did something it

was always wrong…until I found the lord. 

Jeremiah 29:11 says “For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the

Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a

future.”  Keep looking forward and keep

looking up and god will eventually bring you to your purpose. 

 

I was 21 when I

found the lord.  Everything finally

started moving forward.  I was finally

becoming a new person.  I prayed and

prayed and I got this job that I had been wanting.  I have a beautiful baby niece who is my whole

world.  I sing in the praise team and

church choir. 

 

God has really

blessed me with so much.  I can play the

clarinet and the piano.  I can sing like

an angel.  I can write beautiful poetry

and god has blessed me with the loving and kind heart that I have.  I just can not say enough that god really

does work in mysterious ways.  Everything

God has put me through he has had a reason. 

 

God gives his

hardest battles to his strongest soldiers. 

I am one of Gods strongest soldiers to go through all I did and still be

standing. 

 

“I can do all

things through Christ who gives me strength” Philipians 4:13  Through everything I have been through God

has never turned his back on me and he has always loved me.  He will never leave me.

 

I am in the Lord’s

Army<3 

Reviews

[Valkyrie Warrior]

God blessings are upon you, God is love and we loves all his children. Do not despair dear fellow child of God for you are pure at your heart and there is no way you could I avoided your fate. You are a wonderful woman and a true surviving sprit. Hang in there honey for you are loved!

[~*~Peace Keeper~*~]

I enjoyed reading your life's story and I must say it is not easy to come to that point of sharing our past sometimes, but by doing so we may can help others in what they are going through and give them hope that God can save them out of it. I also liked how you added scriptures to your thoughts, I thought that was a great addition. I can see in some places you kind of jumped here and there (in my opinion), but I can see you pouring out your feelings. Thank you for sharing your story, I hope many people can see that God can help them through anything no matter what had happened in the past or what is happening in the present.

Great Job