Dreams(A melodious accomplishment)

Dream are best things one can achieve, an effort by me to put up a melody showing the lovely and great feeling of accomplishment of dream

When I look at sky

Whenever I close my eyes

When my love takes a rise

Everything just stops by

To greet me, haan greet me

Cause finally I have reached my dreams

Oh dear! finally I have reached my dreams

 

When I look away

Far off in those days

When I was still in between my dream

Everything I thought was unseen

By the eyes of anyone

Who so ever lived upon

The Earth and Heavens

This whole World

Now, even Angels sing chorus to greet me 

Cause finally I have reached my dreams

Oh dear! finally I have reached my dreams 

 

Walking along these side walks

Looking as the Sun falls

The night is even shining for me

The stars twinkling around And as I see

The moon just shining brightly That's when I feel !!Ah!! I feel 

The wind has stopped just to greet me!to greet me

yeah greet me!

Cause finally I have reached my dreams

Oh dear! finally I have reached my dreams  

 

Rivers flowing and waves rise

As they fall, stone cries 

Even Sun with all its lights seems dark in your smile

The birds there are singing to greet me!

Ah!!!! greet me! yeah greet me

Cause finally I have reached my dreams

Oh dear! finally I have reached my dreams 

 

With you my life is complete oh dear!

Yeah with you it's complete.

I really reached my dreams oh dear!

Cause, you were only my dream

 Yes, you were all I dream, 

 

Yeah, you are my dream!!! 

 

Reviews

[Laura Maidah]

What's "haan"? I looked it up. I wonder if it's a name? If so, please clarify. So confused. This: "The Earth and Heavens
This whole World" is a banality you just can't afford in this kind of context. Sometimes, corniness works. It can promote your general motif. Here, it detracts from the precision of your other words. Same goes for the "angel" line. I'm not sure why it's capitalized. Verb parallel issues. "Flowing" and "rise" need to match. It's gerund with present. It's pretty distracting. "Seems dark" is in caps? Maybe a typo. "greet" and "yeah" aren't in caps. Stay consistent. "its complete" in the last stanza is missing an apostrophe. The last line needs a comma after "Yeah".

[Akhand Pratap Singh]

"haan" is just an expression word in our language, "earth and heaven this whole word" I don't think of it as banality, everyone has their own taste, maybe you find it banal and I am sorry for that, "Angel" is word I usually capitalize, "flowing" and "rise" need to match?? I can't get that, I'll be pleased if you explain it further... and yeah apostrophe and seems dark being capitalized are typo. Thank for your review I got a better look at my work, and would love to take care of those mistakes..

[Laura Maidah]

"flowing and rising" or "flow and rise". it's called parallel verb structure in correct syntax.

[Akhand Pratap Singh]

ohh!! I have no idea about parallel verb structure, lol my grammer is very weak..anyways I will look it up in some book :) thank you so much

[Laura Maidah]

Basically, you're verbs have to stay in the same tense/format. Yeah, definitely wiki it.

[Akhand Pratap Singh]

sure I will :)

[Brandon Mathis]

i love hoe you wrote it veeeery good!!!

[Brandon Mathis]

meant to say how not hoe sorry, lol

[Akhand Pratap Singh]

lol, thanks :)

[Brandon Mathis]

u loved the whole poem but my favorite was the 1st and 2nd stanza

[Akhand Pratap Singh]

Thank you :) I hope I keep on writing the poems that you enjoy

[Talismanic]

This is like a song to victory and love. Liberation!!:)) It has so much energy, it feels verry spontaneously written, but also melodic and complete. I love the repetition of 'greet me' and the sense of wonder at the world that this evokes. It's very moving and whimsical. There's an edge of sadness in its innocence. Now to go about reaching those dreams, but no reason why you can't have this sort of euphoria along the way... ;)

[Akhand Pratap Singh]

Thank you :) tailsmanic