Cancer clouds my mind.

Written to try ease the pain of watching my best friend lose her battle with cancer. Her suffering and confusion was beyond compare. She had so much to live for.

I won't let them sleep.

I'm afraid to sleep, so they can't.

What if I don't wake up?

Somebody has to make sure

My eyes stay open.

 

When they close and I'm not asleep,

I dream, then I remember.

I remember my life,

My family; my friends;

My love; my marrriage;

My baby son; my death sentence.

 

What great sin did I commit

That I must suffer this way?

I have given life to our child,

Now I await the end of my life!

 

I'm trying to fight, trying to be strong,

Trying to have faith. God!

I'm so angry, I scream at you inside.

I've been let down, you failed me.

I put all my trust in you: I believed.

 

Now here is the future.

A body once beating vital veins of life,

Now riddled with packed wounds,

Great cancerous craters adorn my frail frame.

 

I'm so afraid of each new day,

The pain, bewilderment and futile anger.

I'm so afraid to sleep for the last time.