Something is wrong

poem

Something is wrong

When you said your goodbyes
without looking me in the eyes,
my pride had to play along.
So ofcourse, something was wrong.

I wished faith could carry me away,
that by love hearts could sway,
but it wasn't where i should belong.
Something was awfully wrong.

Then It didn't matter who was who,
even when it was me and you.
I learned how to be strong
and yet something was just wrong.

Three years of doing this and that,
yet in every place i set at,
I clench when i hear our song.
Something is still wrong.

Author's Note

reviews are welcomed

Reviews

[bluessadmood]

this is so beautifully done..certainly something is wrong when its goodbye
even if i try to stand my place and take what may come
even if i stay strong and never waver,something is wrong
when i sit and think of whats past..when i hear the song
sweet music where i used to belong ,always knew something was wrong
so beautiful writing..full of sweet longing even if something was all wrong
lovely write..

[Mauricio Montoya]

I like the choice of words you’ve used to bring this piece together.
Great job well done.

[Coyote Poetry]

I understand this poem. We say goodbyes and they leave us wondering and hurting for many years. Those memories and places re-birth thing lost and can't be found. A excellent poem.

[Tainted Devotion]

Break ups are always difficult to deal with. This poem is very relatable, I agree. Wonderfully written.

[Cassiopia Summers]

I think this poem is absolutely true. I believe this is something that is very relatable. Great write.

[Bard Constantine]

Hello, Ean. You're express the emotion of the moment quite well in your stanzas, from the breakup to the lingering feelings after. The only thing I'd point out is that the rhythm of the piece seems just a tad off. I'm no expert, but here's a quick example:

You couldn't meet my eyes
When you said your goodbyes;
In my pride I played along
Still, I knew something was wrong

Not a huge difference, but sometimes you may have to sacrifice a word or two, or rephrase a line sometimes to keep the rhythm from being thrown off. The best way to get a feel is to read the lines aloud. There should be a flow that you can hear when you read. Again, I'm no expert, and these are just my thoughts. You've done a fine job here, and I look forward to more of your work.

[Shin]

The break up bomb huh, it's always hard, it's a great piece, good job on this one.