Lemon

bittersweet flavour of life

Lemon

Since life kissed me on the lips,

it showed me the sweet taste of bitterness.

My sun went through an eclipse,

letting stars show the way to happiness.

 

Time knocked on the door, no hello.

It told me about the taste of goodbye,

saying hey, lemons are always yellow;

you have to taste to know the reason why.

 

It is the bittersweet flavor of life,

fresh, within my heart mesmerizing.

So splendidly Full of serenity and strife.

It is either devastating or tranquilizing.

 

Author's Note

hi, so here's a new poem by me. I would appreciate constructive feedbacks. :)
enjoy reading.

Reviews

[Clarisse Nanoit]

AMAZING. =) I'm a fan. lol. The imagery is lovely. Not anything I would change, really. Thanks for sharing.
KH

[Jeff Bresee]

Good work again. I really like your style.

[Talal Tashfeen]

This is a nice poem! Good job! =D

[AtticusBlack]

"Time knocked on the door", a time we all dread but always happens. You paint a perfect picture here.

[LisetteCanWrite!]

Nice metaphor.. you've taken a bittersweet/sour favorite garnish and brought it to life here. Particularly loved the second stanza:

Time knocked on the door, no hello
It told me about the taste of goodbye
Saying hey, lemons are always yellow
You have to taste to know the reason why

This was highly lyrical to me.. fun with reality mixed.. awesome job!

[Tate Morgan]

By far enlightenment has touched you here Your best as far as I can tell so far Bravo .You have grown !!

[.]

So I read this poem through a couple of times, trying to figure out what part of it was giving me a little bit of a hang-up. At first, I thought it was the rhyming, but I'm not a particular fan of structured rhyme schemes, so that wasn't it. I did notice that in the first stanza the a and b lines are also near-rhymes. So the next stanza through me off a little when a and b were no longer near-rhymes. Nothing wrong with that, just something I noticed. But I think I've found what gets me about your poem. I think your main metaphor is a good one, and the other images that you invoke don't bother me on their own. What you do have though, is a lot of big images. I'll give a list here: life, sun, eclipse (so multiple planets), stars, and time. Those are a lot of big images, and what I wanted to see was some contrast to those big things. Grounding is a good term. I wanted some images that were more tangible to a reader. It's not that I have any issue with the images you have, or how you used them, I would just like to see some details about the "me" in this poem to give it an added level of depth. I think you have a good poem here. What I suggested here would be something to explore if you felt like it. Maybe see where else this poem could go and expand to.

[Austin Smith]

Don't change a thing. It's fantastic as is.

[Ross Saunders]

Very nice. I really enjoyed this one, it was beautifully written and had a lot of good images and thoughts to it. Well done.

[Coyote Poetry]

I like this poem as is. I feel the same way as in your words. I work very hard and it seems I can't win. Poem is very good. I like your story and the ending was outstanding.
Coyote