Island in the sky

poem

Island in the sky


On a tiny island in the sky
I live in absolute solitude
Where no one ever asks why
& keeping a pretentious attitude.

I used to love that earth
Before I casted it away
Since the day it gave me birth
Until I knew how hearts could sway

Yet I keep an eye on him
On a cloud made of a thought
As morning is still so dim
Although thats not what I was taught

Just one look at his eyes
Makes me smile every now & then
Regardless of where my santuary lies
I sometimes think he's the greatest of men.

                                 

Author's Note

like it? hate it? how should I edit it? tell me all about it!

Reviews

[Lost, n'MT]

First off, I think the title is excellent and it immediately caught my eye and got me me thinking. I love the rhyme scheme and think this excellently written. This is my favorite type of poetry to read and write. I thank you for sharing this fantastic piece and I personally would not change a thing other than correcting the misspelling of sanctuary and maybe adjust the fourth line a tad. Great title, great flow, great rhyming scheme. I love it.

[Chris T.]

I hate to echo what others have said, but this could use a gloss over as far as editing, proofreading, and little errors is concerned. The heart of the story is kind of overshadowed by these errors. I'd be happy to read it again if you do go back through it, so just send another read request.

As far as the content is concerned, I think you could stretch out the thought of this "island in the sky" a little more. You moved quickly from your island to describing this man, to ending the piece. Fluid transitioning between stanzas, along with the small touch-ups, could really make this a great piece.

[Alicante lullaby]

its a pretty passionate write,,,shows you so immersed in love,,,,,

[Coyote Poetry]

It was a lonely and sad poem. Gave up on Earth and watching from a far. It was gentle and the flow was peaceful. I like the ending. Left me with hope the person in the island in the sky still had some hope. A excellent poem.
Coyote

[cecil]

third stanza maybe remove the although,it seems to hang up there for me,,,fourth stanza ,,third line,,maybe take out the word (of) and (my),,,,just a thought and then you read it again,,but lord knows I am definitely not a crytic expert,,But I do want you to know,, I loved this,, I could feel the sorrow for leaving and also the hurt that made the subject leave and as well the joy and love they receive from just one look,,,,,Blessings..Cecil

[Su' Nacnetaf]

I imagined a solitary angel, laying on her cloud, gazing at men, knowing that she could never be with any of them, yet she fell in love with one mortal and the result: this poem. But on a second read, the angel image disappears and what remains is the image of a lonely girl, gazing through her window, sitting in front of her desk holding a pen over her notebook, simply wishing for her love. Beautiful, great work.

[ebur™]

I really like this one, it was more surreal and fantasy to me, but also beautiful and expressive. I really loved the way you wrote it, great job ;)

[deeps]

This is such a wonderful write here. Such amazing write here. Ilike this alot. Feelings are very well expressed.

[bluessadmood]

oh by the way some lines did not flow so well..
and i was lost at some few words..
maybe you should have another look into it..
but i loved it just the same..

[bluessadmood]

ohh this is nice though not as good you used to..and it needs lots of editing..
but never mind my friend ,i know your potential and how far you could go..so very far really i know
used to live away and alone,no one asked me why
how i used to love me and all life and earth
but then i came to know how hearts could sway
i kept an eye on you ,though just like a cloud in my mind
just one look into your eyes made me smile
always thought you were so good ..the best of man
i loved this..for i can read the depth behind it..
lovely write..