Dripping clock

 

Watching the clock

the pendulum sways

passage of time

has nothing to say

empty night sky

no stars twinkle gleam

sun leaves the world

no light filled stream

dark eerie ocean

bereft of all life

forest of charcoal

a sheath minus knife

glass without whisky

skin with no pores

mind lost of memories

beach mislaid shores

heart bleeding grief

fingers that burn

no more my lover

no more grave turn.

Reviews

[Kees Kapteyn]

I'm not a big fan of rhyming poems. The constraint of rhyming challenges the poet to find the right word in a very limited pool of choices and most often that challenge is not met, and meaning and flow are compromised just for the choice of that word that rhymes. Of course, part of the challenge with writing poetry is showing technical prowess within strict criteria such as meter, syllable and rhyme, but such prowess is not often found. This poem is stronger than most rhyming poems that I have read. I find there to be too many metaphors through this poem, keeping the reader from drawing out its meaning, but the language is strong. I especially like the 4 lines:

heart bleeding grief
fingers that burn
no more my lover
no more grave turn.

I think this poem could use some more work in keeping the metaphors down to one continuous theme and more searching done to find the right rhyming couplet.

[Debra Stevens Edwards (..]

This is an outstanding write with great emotion and metaphors. The flow of this piece is superb. All the makings of a classic write.
Debby

[Poeticme]

this was beautiful...but sad at the same time...I write plenty of those myself..LOL!!..TY for sharing and I'm glad you enjoyed my poem..did'nt mean to make you cry though..:-)..TC and have a great week

[darkgurl]

Such an out there write, could feel the twinge of sadness in this. This is a very well written write, I also like that picture of the clock....Kim

[Lily1111]

Wow! The rhythm of this poem is extraordinary. I feels like a melody as you read it. Such wonderful analogies in lines like "glass without whisky" and "skin with no pores". Really well done!

[Ray Hamilton]

With every rising of the sun, ~ I say
Is for you, ~ a bran new day
Enjoy life for it's over much too soon
Don't just sit there in that room

Time to leave the past behind
A new love soon you will find
So get out side and play
You may find him this very day
Very well written as always
Ray

[Silent Kim aka mizmetap..]

passage of time
has nothing to say
Sometimes what can we say. Sometimes we just have to leave the pass in the pass. Good write.