Never again

 

 

As i wander through the fields,

the smell of the earth

leaps into my senses

The sky is adorned with lapwings

flying above me in their haphazard way

I stop to taste a ripe wild raspberry

bitter sweet flavours fill my mouth

As i sit by the slow flowing river

the memory of that day

comes to my mind

like a rush of a thousand painful rose thorns

I watch the Avocets so graceful in their beauty

You will never see this again

you will never again experience

the wonder of this world

a world you so loved and cherished

That is why i will never understand

as i play back that day

all i can say is

it was all your own fault.

Author's Note

This is my first attempt with non rhyming poetry so be gentle with your reviews lol thanks... constructive criticism is always welcome.

Reviews

[Windy]

though sad, i liked it alot. I think you did a great job (even with no rhyme)! Congrats ;)

[Edmond Dantes]

hmm, i don't know what happened , but it doesn't matter, you conveyed your thoughts poetically & then at the end left us wondering, & i think that's a good thing. thanks for sharing.

[Edward Carr]

Hey this poem is strong and a lot stronger then your rhyming stuff in my opinion. There is some great specificity like with lapwings and Avocets. Good sense description also. I felt like I was there with the speaker of the poem. There only three things I noticed that need work. Its a little wordy. For example,

As I sit

could simply be sitting by the slow river you do need slow flowing. So just revise for some wordiness, I caught one cliche with the roses thorns hurting the reader. Roses and thorns are kind of cliche.

And the last line just simply did not seem to fit with the rest of the poem.

Other than that, a few good revisions and I bet you could enter this into some contests or for some publishing. Good poem.

[Ray Hamilton]

You did a wonderful job with this poem
Sad poem but enjoyable read
Thanks Ray { Not a Poet }

[darkgurl]

"like a rush of a thousand painful rose thorns I watch the Avocets so graceful in their beauty" Love these lines right here, this is a wonderful write I like it.