Chapter fourteen

CHAPTER FOURTEEN

 

"Self-love, my liege, is not so vile a sin, As self-neglecting."William Shakespeare, Henry V.

 

 

“Mom!” I called as I flung clothes around my room frantically.

            She came into my room after a short moment and stifled a chuckle when she saw me red faced and flustered, “what is it honey?”

            I stopped my ransacking and slumped my shoulders in defeat, “my sweater. I can’t find it.”

            She came farther into the room, “which one are you looking for?”

            I looked around my room although I couldn’t see the interior or its contents, “the one that used to be yours, the one you keep trying to make me get rid of.”

 

            She moved past me, “Oh, that one. when did you wear it last?”

            I continued rummaging through each article of clothing that littered my floor, feeling the unique texture of each, “I don’t know mom. A while ago.” I thought hard, “I wore it to Dr. Pearson’s a few months ago and haven’t seen it since.” I stomped around annoyed, “God, where the hell did I put that damn thing?”

           

“Excuse me?” My mother said incredulously and I turned, frowning.

            “Sorry. Darn.” I corrected with exaggerated sarcasm. She flung an article of clothing at me and I picked it up off the ground where it fell at my feet.

“Is that the one you’re looking so hard for?” I felt the fabric, the sleeves that were worn so thin the edges were beginning to tear, the inside was no longer coated with soft fuzz but it was the most comfortable sweater I owned.

“Thanks mom.” I mumbled, shoving my arms through the sleeves.

 

“I have to leave in a few minutes Quinn. I came up to say goodbye.”

I frowned, “do you have to go?” I asked desperately. My mother had gotten an offer to open up a clothing store here in London and she had to travel to Toronto to speak with the people who were planning on investing in her tiny company. She was staying in Toronto for three days and was wary about leaving me here without her for so much time.

She wrapped her arms around me and kissed the top of my head, although I was almost the same height as her, “three days will go by like that.” She snapped her fingers, “you won’t even notice I’m gone.”

I hugged her back, “good luck with the investors.” I removed myself from her and stepped back, “and don’t worry about me, I’ll be fine.”

“I know you will.” She paused, “you can still call me anytime if you do happen to need or miss your old mother.” I nodded and she spoke again, “Oh, I almost forgot, now that you have your beloved sweater,” She paused, “Austin is on the phone.”

 

My heart caught in my throat as I searched for words to respond. Austin called me? I went to hurry past my mother when she stopped me, “I have the phone.” She handed it out for me to take, which I did reluctantly.

“What’s he want?” I asked before she could leave my room.

“How should I know?” She paused in the doorway, “but I would guess he wants his best friend back.”

 

I walked slowly to my bed, clutching the receiver as if it were a life line. I took a long, deep breath before placing it to my ear, “Hello?”

“Quinn.” He said sadly, “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to just spring my feelings onto you like that.”

I shook my head, “it’s okay.”

“No, it’s not. It wasn’t fair to you; it wasn’t fair to force you into an ultimatum. “

I let out a breath of deep relief, “you didn’t Austin.”

“I did. I made you choose between either having me and loving me, or not loving me and loosing me.” I opened my mouth to speak but no words came out. “I was wrong. I knew you didn’t love me-“

‘Austin.” I said quietly, not wanting him to put himself through this.

He ignored me and continued on, “I knew you didn’t but I wanted you to so badly. You don’t love me and you know what? I’m okay with that. Be with Jayce, be happy and know that I will still always be here... I will still always be your best friend and I’ll never try to change your feelings, or, or resent them, or wish they were different.”

 

Tears sprang on my bottom lids as I heard him speak words that brought me such happiness, “I do love you Austin, you’re my best friend. Thank you, you have no idea how great it is to know you don’t hate me.”

“Hate you? I thought you would hate me! After how I behaved...”

I waved off his comment, “Let’s forget it ever happened, can we?”

“That’s the best idea you’ve had in a long time.”

 

My bedroom door creaked open and I looked up startled, “It’s just me.”

I smiled, “Austin, I have to go.” I paused, “I’m really glad you called... come by in the morning?”

“Of course. Bye Quinn.”

 

I hung up the phone and wiped at my eyes as Jayce came and sat beside me on my bed. “Did I hear that correctly? Austin?” He asked pleased.

I nodded, “he said sorry, can you believe that?” I sighed, “Maybe things aren’t so bad after all.”

He patted my leg then left his hand there on my thigh, “Well I’m glad he came to his senses.” I could hear the grin in his voice, “And I’m glad you’re happy.”

I put my hand on top of his, my nerves standing on end while I waited for his reaction, he seemed to hardly notice.

           

“So, I was thinking.” He began in a mischievous tone, “you kissed me Quinn Leery.”

            I snorted, “I kissed you? Nah-uh, I don’t think so, you kissed me.”

            He turned his hand over on my leg and closed his fingers around mine, my heart fluttered, “I’ve been trying to decide what to do about this sudden sexual attack on me.” He joked and I rolled my eyes, “see my first instinct was to call up my mom to come down here and protect me from your corruptive adultery ways.”

            “Ha! Yeah right.” I spat.

            He frowned, “alright, I lied. My first instinct was to pick you up and carry you away with me.” He paused, “But I figured your mom would probably come looking for you at some point.”

           

I slapped his arm, trying to keep myself from blushing- unsuccessfully. “So what have you decided then?” I dared to ask the question that had been eating away at me since our kiss.

            He squeezed my hand and a wave of delight rippled out from the touch, Well. I thought we could see where this is headed.” My stomach flooded with dozens of butterflies that flapped around as if wired on energy drinks. He leaned in closer, “promise not to throw yourself at me?”

            I rolled my eyes again and pulled his arms around me, “I can’t make any promises.”

He leaned in and pressed his lips against mine, they were so soft and his hands around my body were so warm and inviting. I kissed him harder, desire welling within me like a fire, and his touch was the fuel it needed to grow stronger. He pulled me closer to him and I could feel his heart beating quickly against my hands which explored his muscular chest. I pressed myself to him, running my hands through his hair. The heat that rose inside me drove me crazy; it took control over my mind and possessed my hands which tugged eagerly at his t-shirt.

 

I pulled the clothing over his head and off of his body, tossing it to the ground beside my bed and he unzipped my sweater which I shrugged out of. My fingers travelled the lines which defined his muscles, the strong blades on his back, the tough oblique’s that made me wild. His hand reached for the clasp on my bra but it stopped. Jayce withdrew his mouth from mine and I couldn’t help but cry out disappointed.

“What’s wrong?” I asked, running my hands over his strong arms.

“Are you sure about this?” His voice sounded hesitant, concerned and I smiled.

“don’t I seem sure?” I kissed him again and he kissed me back before withdrawing once again. I frowned.

“What about your mom?”

“Gone for three days.”

 

Jayce was apparently satisfied with the answer and his mouth returned to mine. I leaned back and pulled him down on top of me as his kisses blossomed over my collarbone. The feeling of his weight, of his warm body pressed against mine made me hunger for him even more, I craved him and nothing else mattered in that instant. I loved Jayce.  

 

                     ***

 

            I awoke in my bed, the happiest I had waken up since the accident. I rolled over to face Jayce and he put his arm over me. I had had sex before, this wasn’t my first time but I felt as if it was. It was my first time since the accident, it was my first time since I had become the new me and Jayce was the only time that mattered to me now.

 

            “Morning.” I smiled in my bliss.

“Good morning.” He echoed, kissing me on the bridge of my nose.

“Do you want some breakfast?” I asked, shuffling out from the comforter.

“That depends, what are you making me?” He joked as he stretched out on the bed.

I shook my head, grinning, “hand me my sweater.” He tossed the clothing over to me and I slipped it on over my bare chest and wiggled into a pair of jeans.

“You know, I don’t think I have ever seen you wear jeans before.”

I shrugged, moving to the door, “there’s a lot you hadn’t seen before today.” I opened my door but turned before stepping out, “pancakes sound good?”

“Mmm. My favourite. I’ll be out in a minute to help.”

 

In the kitchen, I tracked down the dusty box of pancake mix, milk and eggs and rummaged through the drawers, feeling for the little engraved numbers on the measuring cups indicating their sizes. I couldn’t remember the last time I ate pancakes let alone made them. Come to think of it, I couldn’t remember the last time I had actually eaten a full breakfast.

 

I mixed the ingredients absently; my mind was stuck on Jayce. I couldn’t believe what was going on right now. I was in love and it felt great. Life was great. Austin had apologized, Jayce was all mine and things were going better with my mom. Sure, I had been declined for a seeing eye dog at Golden Eye, but Jayce and my mother were right, there were other places I could apply to, I had plenty of other options.

 

I poured a ladle of batter into the frying pan and leaned over to the small radio that had been drilled to the bottom of one of the cupboards since we had moved into this house. I flicked the power button and let the soft music surround me, classic rock filled the kitchen and I soon found myself singing along happily.

 

“Smells good in here.” Jayce said but his voice sounded off, almost robotic and I turned puzzled. “I found something.” His footsteps slowly approached me.

I furrowed my eyebrows, I didn’t have anything that would cause a ruffle between us... did I? “What did you find?” I asked trying to keep the approaching fear out of my voice.

He grabbed my hand gently and placed a small object in it my palm before closing my fingers around it. “You dropped this on your way out.” His voice held none of his usual humour or lightless.

I opened my hand and felt the object which had made him so suddenly closed off, I concentrated on what I felt, trying to recognize its shape, its size, its texture- I gasped, “Jayce, this isn’t what it looks like.”

“No?”

           

I stepped toward him, “I mean, yes. It is what you think it is, but it’s not mine!” I stumbled over my own disorganized thoughts which I tried to straighten into an explanation.

            “Well it came from your sweater Quinn.” His voice was impatient, tight.

            My muscles grew tense, defensive, “I forgot it was even there, I swear. I was never going to use it.”

“Why do you have it?” His voice was hard and more disappointed than angry.

 

I sighed exasperated, “this girl gave it to me, she stuck it in my pocket without me realising.”

I could imagine the blank expression on his face, it didn’t even sound plausible to myself and I knew it was true. “You’re saying some girl, someone you don’t know just stuck a bag of coke in your pocket? C’mon Quinn.”

I widened my eyes, “It’s true! I know that sounds really unlikely but it’s true, I was never going to do it, well once I was going to but I didn’t. I didn’t Jayce; I put it back in the bag and never touched it again!”

“Then why did you keep it.” He said flatly.

 

I opened my mouth to speak but I had no words, I let my shoulders slump, “I don’t know why I kept it. I was weak okay! Is that what you want to hear?”

“You’re not weak; we both know that’s not true.”

“I’m not now, but I was Jayce! I was. You remember don’t you? I may be a lot stronger now but only because of you.”

“No, you were strong on your own all along.” I shook my head and he continued, “Yes. When I met you what were you doing?”

Tears drowned my eyes and I thought back to the first night we met, “I was walking down the street.” I said softly.

“Without your guide. You were walking on your own because you are strong Quinn, I could see your strength from the first instance I saw you.” He laughed frustrated, “that’s one of the things that drew me to you. You had been through so much, so much yet you still had the strength to keep fighting.” His voice quieted, “at least I thought you did.” His footsteps moved to the door and I ran after him.

 

“Wait!” I pleaded, “I never used it, I never would have, I swear to you.”

He opened the door, “well it doesn’t matter now does it.” The door closed behind him and I was left by myself, surrounded by the smell of burning batter and soft, familiar music.

Reviews

[Luna Northstar]

I think I'm going to cry. That is NOT fair!!!! I HAVE to read the next chapter NOW!!!