chapter eight

CHAPTER EIGHT

 

“Few people can resist doing what is universally expected of them. This invisible pressure is more difficult to stand against than individual tyranny.” Charles Dudley Warner, That Fortune

 

 

I tried to avoid my mother’s awkward barrage of questions- that were inevitably going to suffocate me at some point in the day- for as long as possible. I stayed in bed until I heard the shower turn on, which is when I threw on a somewhat clean, zip up sweatshirt and a fresh pair of black track pants and tip toed through the living room to sneak out of the house undetected. I had no plans as usual; I just knew my best chances of secrecy were to escape the prison like walls of this house.

 

The weather wasn’t too bad today, minus seven degrees Celsius. Moderate wind, a light snow fall. I could last quite a while outside in that type of atmosphere; time that would keep me from my mother’s probing inquiries.

 

Armed with two pairs of mittens, a tuque, big, furry boots that went up my shins, a thick pea coat and two hoods I began my stealth mission to the front door.

 

I stepped very slowly not to give away my position and sneaky plot to my mother who was singing happily in the shower.

“Early in the mornin’, rise in to the streets, light me up that cigarette and I strap shoes on my feet...”

 

I swung my cane in front of me as I moved, sweeping across the plush carpeting, scanning for any obstructions in my path. I felt the damp steam on my skin seeping out from the bottom of the bathroom door as I stepped by it and I held my breath until I passed.

 

I almost made it passed the bathroom incident free but of course, once again with my persistent bad luck my cane swung hard against the TV stand, shattering the glass front into countless pieces.

 

My mother quickly turned off the shower, “Quinn?” I heard the metal shower curtain rings slide against the plastic bar that held them as she climbed out. “What happened?” The bathroom door opened after a short moment and out she came, a towel most likely strapped snugly around her body and another wrapped around her hair.

 

“Sorry.” I grumbled the words, more annoyed that now my mom would know what I was up to which meant there was no evading her questioning.

“Are you okay? You didn’t cut yourself on any glass did you?” She hurried to grab the broom and dust pan, her voice distant as she entered the other room and back.

“I’m fine.” I heard the stiff bristles scratching against the carpet and the clinking of the shards being piled together.

“You should be more careful when you-“ She paused, and I waited for what I knew was coming, “You going somewhere?” Her voice was puzzled at my thick attire.

 

“I was going to go for a walk, get some fresh air.”

She continued to sweep up the mess into the dust pan, “You weren’t going to tell me?”

I shrugged, “I didn’t think it was too important. I was going to leave you a note.” I lied. She brought the broom back to the kitchen and I could hear her empty the shards into some sort of plastic container.

“Oh. Well where were you planning on going?”

I shrugged once again, “Around. Maybe just around the block. Maybe farther.”

 

She was thoughtful, dancing around a single topic, searching for the right words to bring it up. Eventually she just came flat out and said what was driving her crazy with curiosity.

 

“So, that boy...” she waited for me to finish her sentence but completed it herself when I played dumb. “Are you two good friends?” She spoke carefully, delicately. She was trying to make me be the one to tell her ‘willingly’, rather than having to interrogate me for the info.

“We just met.”

“What’s his name?” She tried to sound uninterested, as if small talk was her main goal but I couldn’t help but hear the eager tone in her voice.

I sighed, “It doesn’t matter what his name is mom.”

 

“Oh honey, come sit, come sit and talk with me.” She prompted me over to the couch, lightly pulling my hand as she sat down.

“I don’t want to talk; I want to go out for a bit.”

I could almost feel her grin, “You’re going to go see him aren’t you?” She elbowed me lightly in the side.

“No, I’m not going to see him. I’m going for a walk plain and simple.”

She groaned, “Well are you two going to meet up again? Where did you meet? How old is he?”

 

I pulled my hand away from hers and rolled my eyes, “I don’t know.” I looked at her sceptically, “I’m not going to date him if that’s what you think. I know that’s what you’re digging at.”

My mother snorted as if I had said something absurd, “No, no. I’m just curious about him is all.” She pulled on a lock of my mousy hair, “You did seem to like him though.”Oh God. I thought, here we go. The part I knew interested my mom the most.

 

She had come home about an hour after Jayce had arrived, we didn’t hear the door because of the music we were playing and so we were caught off guard when she opened the door to my bedroom and peeked her nosey little head in.

 

She always checked in on me when she got home, just to say hi and see how I was doing and I should have been expecting the usual pop in; only tonight I wasn’t alone.

 

She came in at the worst time possible; we both sat on the ground in front of my bed, Jayce had his back to the mattress, leaning against the frame while I sat leaning into his chest. He drew little invisible swirls on my arm with his finger as I listened to the swishing of his lungs.

 

When my mother opened the door I sat up quickly away from Jayce, my heart pounding hard against my breast bone. Jayce was startled by my sudden move and he too recoiled away on instinct.

 

“Hello,” She had said pleasantly surprised, “did I interrupt anything?”

I snarled at her, “Mom!” I snapped. “Why wouldn’t you knock?” Blood rushed to my cheeks with embarrassment, I really wished she hadn’t come in. It’s not like we were doing anything, I just knew I would never hear the end of this little awkward encounter.

 

“It’s okay, we were just hanging out. I’m sorry if we appeared in any other way.” Jayce spoke in, obviously trying to keep the peace.

“Oh, no no. That’s fine, I was just checking in.” She lingered in the doorway for a moment, “well, I’m sure you guys don’t want boring old mom hanging around, I’ll be in my office if you need me. There are chips and stuff in the cupboard if you want.”

“Okay, thanks.” Jayce responded for me, dismissing my mother.

“Oh, you have that appointment with Golden Eye tomorrow too remember?” I nodded and she left my room, closing the door all but a crack.

 

I slouched into the back of the couch, “Why is it that I can’t have a simple friendship with a boy without you assuming I like him romantically?”

She grunted, “Oh come now, I don’t assume that with every friendship you have with a boy.”

I rolled my eyes, “Just forget it mom. We were just hanging out.”

 

She was silent for a minute, no less scheming a new approach. She was like a child, hearing the story of Christmas for the first time; she was all giddy and frivolous with the thought of me having friends.

 

 

“He was cute you know.”

“Mom!” I snapped.

“Alright, alright. Go for your walk, but I’m not forgetting this.” She pulled me into her arms against my protests, “I’m just happy you’re meeting new people.”

 

 

                      

 

 

 

***

 

 

My mother dragged me along with her to pick up some lunch against my persistent protests after my follow up interview with Golden Eye. She wanted to take me out to a restaurant, to force me eat something and so we could talk and ‘bond’ but after we sat in the parking lot for twenty minutes because I refused to go inside she gave in and we stopped at ‘Jimmies Sub.’ The smell of the baking herbal breads and toasting meats was enough to gag me as soon as we stepped inside the door.

 

“I’ll take a six inch cold cut on whole wheat please.” My mother ordered from the kid behind the counter. He sounded no older than fifteen. “And my daughter will have...” She nudged me on the shoulder, queuing me to place my order.”

I smiled unhappily, “I’m good actually, thanks.”

My mother sighed, “She’ll have a six inch veggie on honey oats.” She spoke for me, ignoring my groans.

 

After our subs were paid for and my mother herded me over to a corner table I took a small sip from my cola, the bubbly liquid burned my throat as it went down and I pushed it off to the side.  

“So.” My mom began in her chipper, gossip tone, “you seem to be in better spirits lately.” She rustled open my sub and slid it in front of me. The smell of mayo and tomato wafted up my nostrils.

I shrugged, “I guess.”

“So what changed? “ She asked trying to sound light about the topic.

“Nothing’s changed.” I insisted, picking the oats off my bread.

She took a bite of her sandwich, “nothing? So it has nothing to do with this boy?” I could almost feel her giddy grin crawl across her face.

I sighed, “Mom. He’s just some stupid boy I ran into.” I lied.

“Mhm.” She said unbelieving, “well whatever it is, I’m happy your leaving your room now.”

 

“I left before. I went for walks...occasionally.” I said in my own defence.

“I’m happy you have someone you can relate with and talk to.”

I opened my mouth to question what she meant but she interrupted before I could get a breath out, “Oh! You should invite him over for dinner!” She slurped on her soda and popped it back on the table, “I mean you don’t have to right away. Maybe next week? Oh I could make chicken parmesan, does he eat meat?”

“Mom!” I butt in, stopping her fanatical plans, “I’m not inviting him for supper. I barely know the kid.”

She sighed, “Oh fine.” I could hear the pout and disappointment in her voice. “can I at least know his name?”

 

I rolled my eyes, picked off a tiny flake of bread and nibbled on it leisurely, “Jayce. His names Jayce. Now can we please talk about something else?”

            My mother patted my hand, “Oo, a cute name for a cute boy.” She whispered scandalously.

 

            I sighed, “Can we go home? I’ll eat my sub there I promise.” I lied.

            She was thoughtful, “Alright, let’s go then.” She folded her rumpled paper back over whatever was left of her sub and gathered mine as well, “Do you want to hang out tonight? You know have a girls night like we used to?” She asked the question as if she was afraid of the answer she would get.

            “Sure mom.” I said reluctantly, trying to force out a cheesy smile.

 

 

 

When we got home I listened to a brief message Jayce had left; just saying thanks for hanging out and to call him back, and retired to the soft silence of my bedroom.

 

Everything about my room was inviting to me, everything safe and comforting. Just having my own space, my own privacy, my own place for peace and calm. The moment I would close the door, instant relief would wash over me.

 

The sounds of my bedroom also appealed to me, the familiarity of the humming furnace, the creaking roof above, the buzzing of my lamp which I still habitually turned on. The personal smell of my stuff which I had recently decided was some sort of mixture of brisk air and the brand of laundry soap my mother chose.

 

I stepped into that inviting atmosphere and flopped down on my bed, locking my hands behind my head. I took in a deep breath, filling my lungs until they ached and exhaled into relaxation. I allowed my muscles to slump, my eyelids to close and burrowed into the blankets.

 

The fabric smelt sweet and clean, fresh in my nostrils. I wondered what fragrance my mom did choose. Probably something like “Mountain Breeze” or one as equally dumb. Why did companies name the scents of their products with such strange labels? If I were out buying soap, laundry detergent, deodorant or whatever, I would definitely be choosing something I actually knew what to expect, such as ‘lemon’ or ‘lilac’ for instance. What the hell does a mountain breeze smell like? Dirt and pollution? Or ‘Ocean Spray’ is another classic; why would anyone pick that? I wouldn’t want my laundry smelling like salt water and fish that’s for sure.

 

I sighed and rolled onto my side, the many strange things one stops and thinks about when they’re left with nothing but their own abnormal minds. I constantly found myself deconstructing little; insignificant details that may or may not have really mattered to anyone. Things like how the buttons on drive-in bank machines are in brail. What kind of blind person would be driving? It just didn’t make sense.

 

I rolled off of the bed and sauntered over to the window that overlooked my twin sized bed. I felt along the thick, heavy curtain until I grasped the string tassel that drew them open.

 

It had been a long, long time since I had had opened curtains in my room, before- when I had sight- it was never closed during the daylight, the full sun would shower my room- then on the top floor- with its cheerful rays, brightening the lemon yellow walls my room was adorned with.

 

I held my breath and closed my eyes softly before drawing the material away from the glass.  Heat poured onto my goose bumped flesh from the setting sun and I climbed back onto my bed, facing the view of which I desperately longed to see.

 

I kept my eyes closed so they wouldn’t continuously strain to see light although my mind urged them to realize the task was impossible. I tried to remember what a sunset looked light, the shades of soft pink and orange, the faint glow that gradually faded into a darkening sky the farther you looked up, away from the retiring sun. The sweet mingling sounds of birds singing goodnight and the crickets awakening.

 

There were few birds out singing this evening, trilling happily about the approaching spring. Spring. The time when all snow melts, the sun burns hotter and people transform with high spirits. Maybe spring would do the same for me. After all, a lot has been happening lately.

 

If I were to picture my life at age twenty-one, this definitely wouldn’t have been anything I would have expected to envision. I had always thought I would become a world renowned co-founder of an environmental salvage foundation, inspiring people around the world to do such simple, miniscule things that could make such a difference in the long run. Things like take two seconds to walk over to a garbage can instead of being lazy and dropping trash at your feet. People complain about how dirty their cities, towns and villages are yet they don’t bother considering how they got to be that way; from their own pure laziness. It’s disgusting.

 

Another big thing is recycling. It doesn’t take too much effort to go invest in a blue bin and separate plastic wrappers from paper and cans. Cities dump tons of garbage in our oceans; water from which we drink. Birds get tangled in our filth, trapped in plastic wrap and die, turtles mistake the garbage for food and are unable to digest, causing their bowel movements to get backed up and poison their bodies until they too share the same painful, cruel fate.

 

If you ever go to your local dump, ask them how much buried garbage you’re standing on. The answer is disturbing. We whine about the ever growing cases of cancer and lung issues yet we do it all to ourselves; we pollute the air with unnecessary toxins, we poison our own lungs with the foul chemicals in cigarettes, we put holes in our Ozone, we replace the very earth we stand on with garbage, fill our lakes, oceans, all water sources with sludge, oil, and other equally destructive products.

 

We can`t even go swimming in various locations half the time due to possible high risks of Ecoli and Salmonella. We destroy our planet, our environment, and in the long run ourselves. What happens when we run out of clean water? What happens when our air no longer contains oxygen? The world isn’t going to be destroyed by some giant meteor, or by a second Ice age, we are ultimately going to deliver all life on this planet into inhalation. Complete the cycle full force.

 

I sighed and stretched out my arm muscles, suddenly remembering the message Jayce had left. I would call him back tomorrow, my body refused to get up and find the cordless phone.

 

Were the two of us friends now? I didn’t know what the silent boundary people must cross to be considered friends was, but I hoped if not already, we would approach that point eventually. I trusted him which was a big thing for me, people weren’t really my forte anymore yet Jayce was an exception, a good person who brushed aside my negativity, myself pity and took the time to understand why it is I feel and act the way I do. I was thankful to him for trying, for offering his friendship even though I rejected it so many times. Maybe he really was a guardian angel after all, my guardian angel.

 

He made me think about Austin, about how unfair I had treated him; he went through the same thing I had only with not such a drastic outcome yet I demanded of him to ignore his pain and focus on me and my despair. God, I was horrible. I wonder if he ever thought of me anymore, if he wondered how I was doing. I groaned, there I go again, thinking of myself. Maybe I would call him sometime, apologize and hope he forgives me.

 

My mom opened my door and slipped inside quietly, “What do you want to do tonight?” She asked eagerly.

I closed my eyes, “sleep without nightmares.”

 

Reviews

[-Jaime-]

You can always make me laugh, this sentence was great:
"Armed with two pairs of mittens, a tuque, big, furry boots that went up my shins, a thick pea coat and two hoods I began my stealth mission to the front door."
And her mom singing sublime was such a good touch.

Unfortunately you got a little preachy, almost the way you did back in the first chapter. Remember, it's a story not an expos�. Any time you focused on the story itself (pretty much everywhere except for a couple of paragraphs) I loved it. Makes me want more.

[Luna Northstar]

Another great chapter; I love her mom, so excited about Jaycee. I'm glad Quinn is getting better; in the way of being more open.

[Hi]

I enjoy a chapter that has descriptive or details in it and it is a big problem for me when i write. You don't have that problem because you are a terrific writer!