Broken Light [Glass Crown]

 

Give me just a second

To sort out my final lie

My cigarette has burned the carpet

And my throat is running dry

 

My tears have all been swept away

By the harsh cold sands of time

And as the days pass I find myself

Cutting skin with useless rhymes

 

So no need

Fall down

Swallow whole, those pieces

Of my shattered glass crown

 

Your voice is so distant, and yet it is so far away

Too close to touch with finger tips

To tempting yet

To stray away

 

The words of Wella

Of Tate and Coyote

And young one like me

So honored and loyal

 

My fragile soul made from humming birds

Set fire to the sound I keep

My headphones are broken

And I can't quite seem to find the words

 

A silence

A promise

A dream divided

Sprinkled into a sea of red

 

My dim blue eyes

Are a tattered fear and frivilous plight

A cross on my neck and swift death on my back

My dim blue eyes present my broken light

Author's Note

Don't bother.

Reviews

[YouoweYoupay]

'Give me just a second
To sort out my final lie'

Starting out with a sober plea. It pulls the reader in.

"And as the days pass I find myself
Cutting skin with useless rhymes" -

-As banal and overused as cutting' sounds, it fits bitterly into this line. Other than the pain they release or take away from a writer, rhymes will not do us any good. They will only sit on paper.

Swallow whole, those pieces
Of my shattered glass crow.

- Good God, what a powerful expression of broken pride or confidence here.

A dream divided
Sprinkled into a sea of red."

If i were you, i'd get rid of 'divided' it ruins the dreary, grey feel of the poem and makes the words seem like those in a calculus book. Having mentioned 'sprinkled' is enough to tell they're not unified, your dreams I mean.

'My dim blue eyes
Are a tattered fear and frivilous plight.'

-I think you meant: frivolous ?

Ah, now you grant us a look into the eyes of the author, you want us to see inside more clearly. All those emotions, raw and flawed with many sighs.

Great poem from a young writer. Provokes many thoughts and although the flow is a bit rough or unrevised, I must say your way with words is innovative with obvious depth.

My words and all the others' will always be with you. As long as you wish for it. : )

Keep writing.
-youoweyoupay

[Abbie]

amazing! I love it! you are a great poet so far, from I have read of you. the emotions are so raw, but that's good. it fits and the entire piece is magnificent. great job, and keep writing! :D

[zainul]

Great write

[Rae]

Looking at YouOweYouPay's comment, I feel like anything I have to say will be inferior... and again I am not very good at deciphering poems... but I shall review anyway. I liked the overall diction you used and not one word was different from the other in terms of understanding. My favorite lines would have to be:

"A dream divided
Sprinkled into a sea of red"

So basically(if I get this right) this is about a suicide and her dream was ripped apart and is now in the blood that is coming out of her. Correct me if I'm wrong, please. ^^"

Overall, I really enjoyed this poem. It is a nice gloomy one with easy to understand words that do not distract from the overall view of the poem. Good job and I hope to read more from you soon. ^^

[MadeCheaply]

Don't Bother. Ouch.
Great write.