January 2nd

January 2nd

 

 

Master read my last one.

 

He laffed.

 

Said tu me, "Daniella, this es not perfeckt."

 

 

And he hit me.

 

Says tu me

 

"Don't maek the same mistackes, Daniella."

 

And he leff the room.

 

So I'm gunna tri again.

 

This time I'll write et perfecktly.

Author's Note

Supposed to be spelled wrong.

Reviews

[Luna Northstar]

This is interesting. This fact that she did not right "perfectly" got her 'punished.' However, what exactly was 'writing perfect' supposed to be? This question can only be answered with more questions, of course. Was it the spelling? The subject? Penmanship? Another question that hooks your readers.

Perhaps adding a sense of danger to the chapter? After all, Master reads this diary, doesn't he? So maybe Danielle is afraid Master will be angry if he sees that she wrote 'he hit me'. Maybe she went on to say how it stung? How he looked. Then again... she seems so nonchalant... maybe this has happened before? Maybe add 'Agian.' Then cross out the entire line and saying something like 'Master wwaz rite.' This would contribute to her 'robotic' personality (not quite sure how to phrase it). She seems almost.. brainwashed... so adding something like this can support that idea.

I love the last line:

"This time I'll write et perfecktly."

She seems so determined. Besides "robotic' or 'stone-faced', determined is one of her few shown emotions.

This book seems very interesting so far. I hope you continue it... It has a nice idea and...well... I want you to keep writing! Message me if you make any updates!

~Luna

[Angie Diane♥&hea..]

This is interesting. The master seems to be like a jerk...ugh I want to smack him for smacking her. Good write.