Shadow of the Acid [How Does It Feel To Be So Helpless?]

Deep underground, I buried my secret

In tattered parchment; I didn't want anyone to know

Within calcium, my worries expanding

Each neuron, each uncoiling explosion coursing through my veins

I built these walls out of cemented guilt and shame

This is the place I locked my demons in glistening gold

Like quicksilver, I fell in love

And with each kiss came the rain and mud

Blackened hands breaking wealth 

Hysteria ensues; this is the part where the panic sets in

Soft words tell me to let everything go

But the chains wont stop rattling, I just can't break free

Jericho--my Jericho!--

His gentle soothing is like the beating of thunder in my ears

Pregnant tears and swollen smiles plague my sorrowful mind

You're flipping through my pages, each a clock on its own

A piece of my existence shriveling away, lost to the vast heavens above the stars

Anything he says makes me trust him that much more

Destruction and rampage roars within the confines of my body

I'm alluding to our greatest sin, a blessing in the cloak of the lamb

Each tough a rope, strung around my throbbing throat

So the words won't come out, so he won't speak of my scars

He promised to be my hero, my prince in grand appeal

So the walls eroded away, and that's when the hurricane began

"How does it feel to be so helpless?"

For me, my feet are stuck in melting tar

My heart is a pool of blood and wasted time, and here I am once more

Each reason to stay unwinding, each plea collapsing under immense pressure

"Stop it! Stop it! Don't say anymore!"

But my hero can't hear me, so he fights all the wrong entities

He swings his sword against whats left of my emotions

He presses his shield against my soul

His words, like needles, are blessings shrouded in screaming fire

The battles over, and in it's wake

Is nothing but a broken darkness, a fake smile, and melting hope

Of ever getting better, and my hero runs farther away

Author's Note

I havent written about my anxiety in a long time, so I figured this would be a pretty good way to let it out.

Last night, I was talking to my boyfriend over text message when a horrible anxiety attack hit me, and I was unable to control anything I was saying or doing. Although he tried his best to help me, I couldn't stop the things I was saying (as its part of the disease) and without meaning to he said some really....hurtful things. We fought and argued for a long time before we eventually "fixed things" and went to bed on a semi-happy note. However, I still feel alot on my end was emotionally left in the air, so rather than bring it up again and stir up bad feelings, I just wanted to write about it.




:::::::::::::::::::::AWARDS::::::::::::::::::::

-Awarded 1st place in the "Mental Illness Contest" (out of 7)

Reviews

[Coyote Poetry]

The poem is amazing. Your description took the reader to places and confusion.
"How does it feel to be so helpless?"
For me, my feet are stuck in melting tar
My heart is a pool of blood and wasted time, and here I am once more"
The above lines stood for me. To be sealed and locked away in melting tar. A bad place to land. The poem deserve the first place. Thank you for sharing the outstanding poetry.
Coyote

[Adreamer's Bluejay]

So many things have already been stated about this piece and really the only thing I want to add is that you have penned this phenomenally because you really put me in your shoes here. Great job.

Completely beautiful

[Eagle Cruagh]

You have performed a STREAM OF CONSCIOUSNESS, the
highest most pure writing possible. Beautiful ! Very well
done.
Give me your email address, if you would hear more ....
----- Eagle

[Pax]

i feel this, too many emotion will just flood you and sometimes you can't even stop and end up hurting many people around you...

such a sad piece....

[A. Amos]

You have discuss the subject in great manner, looking forwar to read more of your work