Charlie

This is the beginning to a short story I plan to finish. I could end up expanding it to something longer, but as of right now my goal is for it to be a short story. I hope you enjoy the beginnings!

She wakes up, not knowing if her world has been turned upside down. Her mind fills with thoughts that she has never thought before, Is this love? Do I really care about this stranger of a man?  As her mind kept spiraling out of control she started to pace back and forth across the room, thinking about where her life has been and where it is now.

It was a Tuesday afternoon and Charlie had just gotten off working her shift at the coffee bar, The Roasted Bean. She loved working there; it had an artistic yet contemporary feel, reminiscent to Charlie’s personality. “Bye Lisa, see you tomorrow”, she shouted as Lisa returned with a quick wave. She hurriedly took her apron off�"stained from a spill earlier in the day�"and ran to try and catch the bus that was stopped a half of a block away. Right as she started to run, the bus closed its doors. As it drove by her, the bus driver callously waved his hand and smirked at Charlie. Unfortunately for her, the bus driver happened to be the one she spilled coffee on earlier in the day. That a*****e really likes to hold a grudge, she thought as she sighed out loud. “Seems like you need a lift”, asked a young taxi driver, who was parked on the curb waiting for willing patrons. “Yeah, thanks to that a*****e I do”, she replied.

The taxi driver was young, about 25, brown hair, tan skin, and bright blue eyes. He was definitely not the typical taxi driver. He wasn’t the best looking man Charlie has ever seen, but he sure wasn’t the worst.  She hopped into the back of the cab, told him where she was going, and then he pulled off into the city traffic. Little did she know, this taxi ride would end up changing her life.

(To Be Continued)

Author's Note

Any feedback is greatly appreciated!

Reviews

[Russ Lydzinski]

Nice start to a story. I definitely want to know what happens next, but I'm confused by the timeline. Is the first paragraph in the story present, with the last two having taken place beforehand?

Also, I think the writing would be more in the moment if you said "As her mind spiraled out of control she paced... instead of "her mind kept spiraling out of control she started to paced..."