curse(d)

endarken:

to be shown the darkness, to be made
to see something terrible.
like enlighten, but no one should want this.

and you endarkened me and i’ve spent my life trying to accept that
it can’t be undone. and i’ve stared up into the heavens and pled with god to show himself to me, but either he’s just not there or he’s
playing games with me.

but no, no, i won’t believe when there’s no reason to believe, so i guess
the sky is just a gateway not to any guiding force, but to an inifinity and eternity
of cold, empty s p a c e and why

put faith in that, why should i?

and sometimes there are just too many voices, and all
screaming, at me or each other but when you’ve decided that their pain is yours,
it doesn’t really matter.
and when the lenses of your eyes are shattered beyond repair like everything else, it’s hard to see in any other colour than

f-r-ag.m.entat-ion.

and you endarkened me first in just one corner of my mind but
it spread and slowly then exponentially infectiously until swallowed my being whole and the mirror glass is clear but
the reflection is broken (so why do)

they say it’s a blessing but ( i ) say it’s a curse, because i
c-c-c-an’t (live) with

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