This Mind is Unclear

To anyone going through anything right now that is terrible. I have been through the same route for 16 years until i got out. If you need help. Message me. I'll be here.

I was a girl who was psychologically blind,

someone who thought the world would always fall down,

Instead of staying strong,

as if i ever wondered of keeping my head up, henceforth wearing 

anything free willingly, 

putting it into different words and phrases that others could

understand clearly.

Without feeling joy, 

only feeling pain,

It was like i had nothing to loose,

yet nothing to gain.

Tearing myself down, over and over,

until the ashes claim the very essence of 

this darkened, unethical non-existent goo 

I call my soul,

As if anyone or anything could devour it

would be beyond my control.

The feelings I somehow still had were

deeply beneath my cracked dismayed paled 

description i call my own skin;

its like multiple leeches are shrieking different 

shrilled noises within my own veins,

using them as the strings to this wretched violin.

Wrong implicitness on the heart could wreck the 

liveliness of our minds,

We want to go back and undo the wrongs we

left behind;

Never in my existence did i ever imagine 

leaving the trapped torturous visceral abode 

that shall ever be called my home,

It's rather to escape something hoarse

than to suffer in the mind alone.

Either there's more to this world than my eyes could see,

or there could be a light at the end of the tunnel,

nor if there was a simple heart,

I could finally feel a crystalline instead

of a grotesque cynical wretched useless being

everyone calls my life.

In every way possible, there's nothing better than 

gracefully easing your soul instead of 

risking it to the afterlife.