Insufficient Paralysis

I sit here, in a world full of judgement,

as if others could look me deep in my soul,

to tell me exactly who i am,

like my heart is as dark as coal.

A saying goes straight into the pit of my mind,

that i was taught as a child,

       "Never judge a book by its cover"

While i stand here feeling so cold,

      Chills down my spine;

           Henceforth all the judgement causing such a sickening crime.

Of course, I stand here, hearing the judgement,

frozen, as if time paused into a deepened paralysis,

A sudden urge from the twisting, glistening, torturous 

rage to be reborn from everything whats called a vile word,

spoken between my ears like i can no longer hear,

like a sudden fire in my veins in what seems to be called fear.

Everything becomes darkened,

as if what is in my mind, my past, has come to be near,

yet everything i recall in every centimeter of my sickening twisted mind becomes utterly clear.

Could I stand here, and take the barking of every voice that continues to haunt me?

To be here in the opponents essence, to be constantly judged by my flaws?

Shall i stand and fight back, to stand up against what could be the laws of my well-being?

Of all the judgement i sit here and think,

      "If they were to see through my eyes, look into my actual soul for what seems like a day,

                   will they still bark at me with these blood-curdling words as they blink?

                           Or will they know their judgement is wrong and feel the pain

                                 i go against, feeling the ice and fire in my veins

                                               while they start to sink?"

 It seems very selfish to bring them into this mind curdling equation i call my thoughts,

to think of them sinking into quicksand,

as if everything in my sickening subconscious is just that.

I then, come back into reality,

looking at the opponent, still standing completely still,

waiting for me to strike one single tear down my masked identity they call a face.

    Waiting for me to either cry, or show them i'm weak. 

           Five single words plunge into my mind, a deepened, twisted voice,

                     a feeling of ripping tide waves throughout my nerves,

                              a feeling of doubt, coursing through my curves.

                                          "You will never reveal yourself."

Henceforth choosing to never show myself,

as if even the thoughts of my mind tell me i shall not,

           I will not. I will be strong. I will never let them win.

I stand here frozen, and all of a sudden, the opponent turns to face the other way;

       "I'm cold. Freezing. Imbalanced,

          The chills becoming more complexity.

                 Every atom of my well-being stands strong, 

                      As if everything i've ever known, everything that has barked their vile words

                            were always the ones wrong."

Maybe, just maybe, they looked inside the very darkened essence in my soul for a moment,

        To just look, stood where i stood, and decided to move their essence away from me.

                              I would never seem to call this a dream,

                                                  nor a frightening crisis,

                                                      This, shall be called something worthless,

                                                                    An Insufficient Paralyses