Mental illness is no joke

This is something I wrote a while ago. I would love feedback very much so.

 

“For once it’s as though you can breathe it as though finally you managed to get out of the coffin out from the ground. As though you’re breathing almost seems as though it is easy. Boom out of nowhere you’re back in the coffin with no air how did you get back…. and it’s is heavier it as though you’ll never escape you’re few last breaths of air are gone and you feel as though you keep going deeper and deeper into the ground losing more and more of a chance making it out alive… I mean is there anyone you can when there is no oxygen in 3,2 oh wait I can breathe I’m coming up from underground the coffin door has opened my breathe is becoming more and more steady I almost can fully breathe again I can move I’m almost actually free but then wait it’s all black again I don’t know where I am or what to do all the sudden my air is escaping my lungs and I feel the sense of my death coming very near I mean clearly I can’t live like this right but I can still breathe it is just dark wait I’m in no coffin right now unlike before I can still move and dance what’s happening why can’t I see where I’m going or find my way why do I feel lost or almost like I have no path to safety this darkness is new it’s like I have no control, oh wait I found a door it leads into a cloud I won’t enter here’s another door it is sunny I must go in  as I’m stepping in to this door and the other door shuts behind me and disappears like it never was there as I'm walking there is beauty there is people all smiling there is a school all the normal things but then as I keep walking this feeling of sadness creeps up for no reason I mean I have absolutely no reason to be sad everything was good… this feeling isn’t going away it’s like I’m stuck in this overwhelming sadness it makes it hard to breathe it makes me want to cry it make me feel nothing almost I don’t want to do anything just sleep I’m no longer hungry… but then I see this light a happy light or at least what I suspect to be happy and I wonder in to everyone is smiling and dancing but all the sudden everyone is insulting other I get this feeling or rage I want to kick or hit someone I feel as though no one understands I want to scream but I can’t… what’s going than in a flash of a second I’m fine I’m happy nothing could go wrong for once I sleep great I get to school teachers don’t talk to me I have no friends and in that instance I know what it means to be alone in a room full of people it’s like these people don’t even matter or affect me at all I am this classroom by myself no one notices me almost as though I’m not even in the room but I mean clearly I am I see myself and others clearly must there’s all these student these happy student why can’t I be one of them why don’t people notice me I know I’m real…. If I died would they even know probably not…than I’m under water I can’t fight I have this lack of care to fight I feel numb it like I’m drowning I can’t breathe I’m trying to get the top but I keep getting pulled down I begin to feel my eyes to close I no longer can even keep them open I no longer want to try I feel myself fall from all the weight it’s like I get push back up I lie there underwater waiting for someone to save me or for me to die cause clearly one will happen just don’t know which yet.”