Dark Lines

Dark Lines

These dark lines

Hiding my once innocent eyes

I peer from the black

That slowly eats me.

Reviews

[i.am.the.sun.]

this is great, but i would switch some of the lines up a little.
eg: "I peer from these dark lines//
the black that slowly eats me//
hiding my once innocent eyes."
doing so also allows it to have a syllable count that goes up by 1 each line. 6, 7, 8. and makes it look like less of a 4 line stanza and more of a stand alone short poem. :) i like this, friend request accepted!

[Chris Smith Welshpoetcs]

Good dark poem.

[Letemdangle]

That's pretty depressing, but it seems to come from inside of you, and that's what this is all about.

[Jake Donald Stephens]

Damn! Talk about getting right to the point!
You know how to pack a punch.
I love it.

[cfix]

Powerful and straight forward, Muchly enjoyed....

[Right Wing Constervativ..]

i liked this :) i can relate to it, ive felt that way before, and still do a lot

[The old me]

very short, if you add some more to this, it could end up really good.

[Jonathan]

Its alright it could and should be great you just
Have to give it more feeling. Dig deeper I'm sure
You can find more to add. You have a good start off point.

[Chris]

To be honest, I read it about five times. :]
I enjoyed it, it was very good each time.

[samurai212]

Very good. Keep it up :)