Bitten

The first chapter where Sophie becomes painfully aware about what is happening outside her window.

I carress the frosty surface of my window. Snickers and chuckles rage outside. I knew what was going on out there. In the blistering cold, in the night. They called themselves the Nightwatchers, a swaggering group of teenagers, if just a little older than I.  I wanted to be out there with them, get in on all of their secrets, be part of their group at school. But alas, Mom and Dad had forbidden me to even pass them by in the hallway. But I had a powerful urge, as if magnetic pull towards them, wanting to know. To be dangerous. To have a sense of adventure. For once. Then, the wind came, opening my window with a strong rush of nipping wind. The freezing air was swirling in the trees, calling my name.

"Sophieeee..."

"Sophieeeeeee..."

But I could never answer. They were calling me, summoning me before them. But not tonight. Yes, I heard the wind, but this time, a scrap of paper flew through my window. The winds settled. The world was quiet. Black words of calligraphy lay etched on it. Did I open it? Did I throw it out? Me, Sophie, always the outcast, got a note from the Nightcrawlers. Always the girl watching on the outside, never to be heard. Always wanting, yearning for this very moment. It was as if time itself froze in its steps...

I slowly unrolled the paper, and gingerly unfolded the world that lay before me now, a new life, a new me...

I gasp for breath as I read the words...

Suddenly my eyes dart up. I'm scared. Frightened. Sorrowful regret and worry knot in my stomach. They were out there...

I hear a faint voice calling my name from a distance. It was the nightcrawlers... no, no it wasn't. It was Mom, calling me for dinner. My head jolts up, and I tuck the scroll of parchment into my sleeve.

"Coming!" I say, as I run out of the room, right as an icy hand moves, too slowly, to grab my bare foot.

Reviews

[M. Elizabeth.]

For an experiment this is a perfect 1st chapter to make everyone want to read more :) I do.
It's thrilling and you used a greeaat choice of words.
awesome job megan :)

[Amelia Harris]

Wow, what a tantalizing first chapter! I found my self very drawn in by your unique style and creative story.
However, I would like some character description. I understand her personality, her dreams and hopes, but can’t see her as a mental picture. All in all well done, I think you have a good book going here.

[Kitten]

IT's a good first chapter, though it could use a little revision. The allegories are nice, sensing some deep themes here. Though it doesn't flow as nicely as I think it should. Perhaps a less obtrusive font and more spacing would make it easier for one to see the sentence fluency?

[Emily]

Good first chapter, I like the suspense. I'm interested to know more. The only thing I could think of was the tone is a little bit bubbly, that may just be her personality, but the nightcrawlers don't seem quite as scary as they could be made to be. But maybe they aren't supposed to be scary. At this point I don't really know what I'm saying, so nice job :]

[Carolina Kel]

Very nicely done. Can't wait to read more and find out about these mysterious Nightwatchers.

[snapjack]

Very nice, I like it better actually. It leaves the suspense, making you want to read the next chapter.

[snapjack]

I like it. I like how the mixture of her emotions is expressed by the different sentences if that makes sense haha. Either way, I like it :)