Untitled

My heart fell asleep
The position was awkward, unsure
But she was in deep

Warm was the breath
Excitement when the tongue danced
Wriggling, flapping like a fish at shore
Comfortably caged in by teeth

A thousand pins come flying down
Draining innocence oozing red
The stinging dread

On the floor
Barely beating
Spit from its mouth
She's losing her senses
Celestial beings yell fading out
"How could you be so stupid?"

Reviews

[Poetic License]

This poem is positively gripping. I have read it five times now, and I know I will be going back for another. I am determined to allow not just my mind noodle out its meaning, but my heart and soul, as well.

This is such a complex write. I am a huge fan of writing that really engages me, that doesn't just pass through and meanders on along. No, this one stands up and demands some accounting.

On first pass, my heart ached because I know that "WTF" moment. I suppose we all do, whether it be virginity or any other new undertaking. There is the pleasure, the bright idea and then....the awakening, not quite so pleasant as the drunken dreaming.

However, more than that, I read a story of an addict and a life long runner. An unsuspecting, sleeping heart awakened to new sensations, now possibilities, new universes, new visions. The wiggling tongue, tasting an experience that is ethereal. Then the reminder of the road traveled to achieve this. I almost see this as a pure body, pure heart and pure mind's final sad protest at the coming high.... "On the Floor, Barely beating, Spit from it mouth, She's losing her senses..." A last fleeting glance of the "normal" before the high.

Well done. I could study this for a week and still find something new, a new message, a new metaphor and archetype. HUGE FAN of this piece. Thank you for sharing.

[.Em.]

Thank you for taking the time to read it. I love your analysis and glad you enjoyed it!