Chapter One

This is it. The moment I’ve been waiting for. Six weeks after that strange man took me out of my maths lesson, (which I still need to thank him for), and handed me that white envelope. Who would have thought that six weeks later, I’d be in a completely different school?

 

No, it wasn’t my Hogwarts letter… I know, I was disappointed, too. But it wasn’t far off. Mind you, it didn’t exactly get me into a desirable situation; here I am in a huge, half empty exam hall with a super high ceiling and polished wooden floor. And I’ve had no lunch.

 

I look up briefly from my in-depth study of the pine desk in front of me, surprisingly clean, considering I reckon they must be at least ten years old, to see the man coming towards me… Towards us, I’m not alone in the hall. Looking around there must be about twenty of us; twenty sixteen year olds…Twenty of the most intelligent sixteen year olds in the country. Anyway, the man opens up an important-looking brown envelope to reveal a wad of white papers. That’s right; I’m here for an exam, I remind myself, picking up one of my several black pens and clicking it into action.

 

I have to focus now; anything could be on this exam. I think back to Mum’s pep-talk at home this morning; ‘you’re good, Em. You know your stuff, just do it!’ Oh god, he’s getting closer. At least I’m sat at the back… Nobody’s looking at me fiddling. What am I even doing here? I’m no genius; they must have me mixed up… Maybe that’s it, after this test, they’ll send me back to Redroofs. Not that it was a bad place, just not… like this.

 

Time seems to stop as he reaches my desk. I zero in on his large hand gripping the flimsy white sheet. This was really it, now. I watch as the paper seems to float through the air, landing as lightly as a feather on the desk in front of me. All of a sudden, I forget my worries. My mind focuses in on my mission. The silence surrounding me suddenly seems peaceful, and the tension I had been feeling was gone. Glancing up again, the man is staring right into my eyes from the front of the hall.

‘You may begin.’ His voice booms.

Inhaling deeply, I peel over the first page.

 

The pale sheet is covered in black diagrams, arrows and numbers. My eyes dart to the top of the page. ‘Please decode the following’, reads the title. I instantly become aware of the silence that is no longer peaceful, no longer comforting, but that is instead almost foreboding. My heart beats hard against my chest and I grip my pen tighter.

This was not like any exam I’d ever sat.

This was unlike any school I’d ever seen.

Reviews

[TLK]

"This was not like any exam I’d ever sat.

This was unlike any school I’d ever seen."

I think these lines promise very much, but even when I started the 2nd chapter there wasn't much explanation of why this was. I think you could involve me as a reader more by explaining these mysterious features -- I am sure that it is this kind of explanation and wonder that you enjoy about the HP books.

[emma234]

I'm thinking that during editing I'm going to change this to the prologue, and that therefore the second chapter should keep you wondering about what makes the school different :P

Thanks for the review!

[zainul]

This piece takes the reader through excitement from the beginning to the end.
You are pretty successful in captivating the attention of the reader.
Hope to read the next chapters.

[Booklover200014]

This was a really great start for the story. I loved out. I found it exciting and interesting. I'm going to read the next chapter now. :)

[emma234]

Thanks!

[Vria P Crow]

QUOTE DISSECTION

"No, it wasn’t my Hogwarts letter…"

haha I really liked this quote. As a writer, you have accomplished in connecting the audience to the story. It lends to suspense.

"Twenty of the most intelligent sixteen year olds in the country."

This feeling is quite common. I believe we can all relate to feeling that we are competing against the world. However, that is not entirely true.

RHETORICAL QUESTIONS:

1. Do you actually think like your main character when it comes to intelligence?

2. "This was not like any exam I’d ever sat.
This was unlike any school I’d ever seen."

I really enjoyed this quote. It is concise. It is suspenseful. However, here is the question I found myself asking:

(1) What makes this school any different?

or

(2) Is this school more challenging, and therefore, it gives the main character anxiety?


CONCLUSION

Overall, I thought the story was enthralling. Yes, I did notice grammatical errors, but my preference is CONTENT:D I honestly would like to tell the main character to "breathe in" and "breathe out."

Keep writing! I am off to the second chapter because I am interested in seeing what is going to happen! :D

[emma234]

Please please please identify the grammatical errors! I'm still in school, and still learning everyday :P Also I tend to just write and think about grammar later :')

Thank you so much for all your comments!

I'm afraid you'll have to wait and find out about the school ;)

[Vria P Crow]

Awe, I am sorry haha I detest grammar as well. Honestly, I never worry about grammar either when I write. It is the Content that is the most important, in my opinion. I will send you a revised copy in your mail box.

Be warned, Grammar is not a speciality of mine. However, I am good with Revision. Revision and proofreading are different. Therefore, I apologize in advance if my upcoming review will be obnoxious:P

In addition, even outside of school, we are still learning :D It is a pain in the tushy sometimes, but we still do. Grammar is an example for writers.

GRR...I am really curious about this school. I am confused, which is GOOD thing:D I could be the dum dum:P

Happy writing:D