But the fear...

But the fear is the worst,

It boils inside of you like a witch's potion,

Ready to overthrow and kill you,

 

Reviews

[The Nude Writer]

True words. I'm not really a huge fan of the last line. Seems a little abrupt.
I think lines 1 and 2 are very smooth and poetic.. and then.. KILL YOU!
I would say something like "Poisoning you, making you weak" or "Slowly taking your soul".. Something like that. Take it or leave it :) Just my thoughts.

[emilythestrange]

Thanks for the advise.... I wrote this while standing next to my wardrobe, and its sort of meant to hit you like that... It's not meant to condense itself , it's meant to scare you. It's meant to warn you that being to scared can kill you.... Like most of the people who commit suicide are SCARED. They always say that.

Thanks though. ☺

[The Nude Writer]

Ahhh well if that was your point then I shall retract my statement :)

[Ireca]

Very true.

[BlueJay]

Oooh, you described fear so perfectly! Pst, just a helpful hint, the word 'witches' should be 'witch's' ... Please don't throw the potion at me!

[emilythestrange]

LOL, I will change that... It's done! And the witch in this poem is an evil one.. so look out, BlueJay!

[BlueJay]

Well if fear is like a witch's potion, then I'm pretty sure I have to be polite -winks-.

[emilythestrange]

;)

[emilythestrange]

This is not a haiku, though I'll check if it can be.

[emilythestrange]

Yeah not a haiku