One smile.

One smile.

A Chapter by Emily May
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i started this a few weeks back, and i have no idea what to do with it, or if it's any good. ideas?

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This is the story of the most important day of my entire life. It is not a long story, but is has such an important message. A message that is overlooked by almost everyone on the entire planet. A whole planet, full of people who think only of themselves. Each of them, going about their day to day jobs. Scurrying here and there. Doing nothing of any importance to anyone but themselves. Wasting their lives. Wasting their lives all away, down the stream, flowing down to another place. A place where we cannot follow. And in that place our lives are lost.

 

It began on a rather average Monday morning. I woke to my mum screaming up the stairs at me. ‘Get out of bed this instant young lady! What the hell are you doing still asleep? You have to be out the door in 5 minutes!’

Fantastic. My first day at my first job. And I am late. To be perfectly honest, it is typical behaviour for me to be late (especially when it is most important for me to be on time) but that is just the way I roll. I hate schedules. I hate clocks. I hate time. I have no clocks in my room. None. I just hate the idea of living my life to someone else’s beat. Becoming a slave to time. Arranging my entire life’s plans to fit in with months, years, decades. Why would someone voluntarily become so engrossed in such a demeaning process? Some of my friends had worked out when they would get married, when they would have kids, when they would die even. All by the time they were 15. We were 15, and they were already getting serious about life. Isn’t life supposed to be fun? Living in the moment and making the most of each and every second you have? Life is like one giant hourglass, full to begin with and then slowly each grain trickles down till there is nothing left. Nothing left to live for.

 

But I was convinced I would never live like that. I would be free, free to live my way. And if someone didn’t like that? Screw them.

 

But this particular morning, I was not in that positive mindset. I was hungover and seriously depressed thanks to a late night boozing at the pub. I hadn’t got home till 3 in the morning and had no concern to the fact that I was supposed to be up bright and early ready to catch the bus into town at 6am. I was doomed. I had everything resting on this job. I had dreams, ambitions. I wanted to move away, out of my parent’s house. I wanted a life of my own.

 

I was 19. A dropout. Unemployed. Unqualified. A failure in my parents’ eyes. Even more of a failure in my own. I always knew I wasn’t going to be leaving school, going to university, getting degrees. But I had always hoped that somehow, deep down I would find a way to succeed. Succeed at everything that life threw at me. So when I was 16 and I got told in the supermarket that I was beautiful by some old woman in the frozen aisle, I was convinced it was a sign. A sign from what? I do not know, I did not care. But I was convinced that someone somewhere was telling me ‘YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL.’ And I was blind to the fact that it was just some doddery old woman, I thought it was fate. Destiny. I solely believed I was destined to become something amazing.

 

This encouraged months of my life wasted, going to auditions for plays and films. Going to cheap modelling shoots. Wasting every scrap of my parents money on clothes that I would parade around in, hoping that someone would ‘spot’ me and think I was something special. Recognise the hidden talent that I was convinced I had.

 

I did this for years until I finally gave up hope. And when that happened. Not only did I lose faith in my dream. But I also lost faith in myself. I was no longer a bubbly, bright, courageous girl up for anything. I was now lonely. I felt deserted at a time when I needed help the most. And that hurt me more than anything ever had and ever could again.



© 2010 Emily May


Author's Note

Emily May
PLEASE give me opinions, no matter how harsh. :)

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eL
well i'm not much of a commentator, but this certainly brings a miserable emotion. And I can kinda relate to it too. I'm also a failure in my parent's eyes. :)

ps. i thought all three stories were connected. I think it's better if you label them each as a story, not a book.

Posted 14 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.




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[send message][befriend] Subscribe
eL
well i'm not much of a commentator, but this certainly brings a miserable emotion. And I can kinda relate to it too. I'm also a failure in my parent's eyes. :)

ps. i thought all three stories were connected. I think it's better if you label them each as a story, not a book.

Posted 14 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.


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Added on September 29, 2010
Last Updated on September 30, 2010
Tags: one smile depression underestima


Author

Emily May
Emily May

United Kingdom



About
Emily May. I live life looking for the good in people, not wanting to know the bad. I always smile, no matter how much I hurt. There is always someone out there with a bigger problem than you. I .. more..

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