To the guy I barely knew and fucked

The first time I saw you was at the symphony

You played bass on stage

I played footsy with my boyfriend in the audience

I thought it was impossible that out of everyone there

You were looking at me 

So I stopped looking

 

The first time we met you paraded through my apartment 

While I sat on the sofa in my pjs 

You told me of the first time you saw me 

At the symphony

I thought it was impossible that out of everyone there

You were looking at me 

But you were 

 

The second time we met at the garden gate 

Smoking cigarettes 

And you told me I was the wrench in your life 

Asked me to play a role in your movie 

We were mixing metaphors

But I hardly cared

 

There were other times then

That we met 

Where we kissed

And pretended to watch TV 

Where we fucked 

And you told me about how sometimes you look at Audrey while she's speaking and realize how you have so much to learn

How she sees things in new ways

Surprises you

Delights you

And then you told me you'd never been with anyone as beautiful as me 

You held me and whispered, "you are a problem, but you will never be a mistake" 

 

I should've known then that you love her 

That you will never love me 

But I needed to f**k you 

To forget him 

I just thought I might have gotten lucky

And found something deeper in you

Than the force of your body

Thrusting into mine

Because I swear to god

There was something so f*****g innate

About touching you

Like in the middle of the night

When I would feel you repositioning my body

And you told me in the morning

That I was sort of like music

And you had to play me in the right chord

 

Most of the time you were speaking

It wasn’t to me

You looked past me like I wasn’t even there

Like you really just needed to talk

But it didn’t matter that it was to me

And for once I couldn’t f*****g speak

Because listening to you was far better

Than hearing myself ramble poetry

Because you are poetry

You were poetry right there in my f*****g bed

 

I thought it was impossible that out of everyone you were looking at me 

It isn’t impossible

You did look at me

But that’s all

 

 

Reviews

[The Twin Arenas]

nice work. it made me really anxious. when I was done reading it, I leaned against the kitchen counter for a second, looking past the fridge and into the hall.

a real careful balance has to be found when writing poems about this stuff, for me anyway. too much of one thing, or not enough of another thing, can turn the writing into a cloying piece of s**t. you managed it.

everything about the symphony is top notch. that's a tough moment to capture.