Wishing on a star.

Remember when I said I didn't miss you? The truth is that I do.

I never stop thinking about you. We are ment together, the two of us are bound.

Now it seems like forever, I can't get you off my mind.

Now I am wishing on a star. So I could be held in your arms.

How can I turn the hands of time? So you could probably still be mine.

Baby I would be right where you are. Cause I am wishing on a star.

It's obvious that everyone. That baby you and I are truly ment to be.

But nothin turns out right. If only I could make you realize.

If only time could give us just another chance. I'd prove it all to you.

Now I am wishing on a star. Now you are holding me in your arms.

Now I am turning the hands of time. And now you are deffinately mine.

Baby I am so right where you are, because we were wishing on a star.

 

 

Reviews

[A.E Blink]

It could use some editing. But other than that its pretty good.

[Courtney]

These sound like they would make good song lyrics, nicely done.
I would recomend line breaks to slow the poem down, unless you want each line to be read all at once like that. Perhaps try to read this aloud, where you hear pauses see if a line break best represents that pause.

In the line(s): "It's obvious that everyone" should it be "It's obvious to everyone"?
In the line: " So you could probably still be mine." I recomend removing the "probably," you have a lot of syllables there.

Good use of repitition and puntuation

[Theresa]

I love how this shows your vulnerability. The first line:
"Remember when I said I didn't miss you? The truth is that I do."
That one line is filled with raw emotion and I love that. It really sets the mood for the rest of the poem. My favorite line is:
"How can I turn the hands of time? So you could probably still be mine."
Beautifully written and really a great piece.