Sand Toothpick Bones

Aiden stared into the note that he found on his coffee table. “Sand Toothpick Bones” it said. He was so tired of her games. He hated riddles. Especially those that Abigail used to leave for him. Five years into this relationship and she still didn’t get that he wasn’t into it. She thought that she was being cheeky, but all she was lately was annoying. But Aiden was a bigger person than telling her that, for him, this relationship was reaching its final stop. He didn’t have a heart, but more importantly the nerve, to tell her that he wanted to break up with her. So he took a step to his bar and poured himself some gin. This will be a long night.

After a few sips he got used to the idea that this riddle will probably be the highlight of his evening. Abby wasn’t home and her location was probably the answer to the riddle. She wanted to be chased like every girl wants to be chased. But Aiden, like any other man after such long time, was fed up with chasing. He would let her know if he felt like it occasionally, though. With his right hand he held his nose at the height of his eyes, rubbed it and let out a loud and long sigh and with the left one he shook the ice in the glass. After a few moments he threw a look at the note and sat on the couch.

“Let’s get this over with.”

Sand, sand, sand. The only two spontaneous ideas that came to his mind at the moment were “desert” and “beach”. None of them were in a nearby area. Earth, maybe. Perhaps she hid something in a flower pot. He looked around in the living room, where Abby used to keep her plants. There were over 30 of them sitting on various spots in the room: cactuses, orchids, succulents and ferns.

“No f*****g way.”

Why would she leave a riddle for him? Didn’t she feel that he was not in the mood for this? He was grumpy for the last two months, pulled into two different directions. One of them wanted him to talk to Abby about the way he felt about their relationship. They were slowly drifting apart from each other, developing their lives and characters as individuals, but not as a team anymore. The one thing that was omnipresent and necessary for him became optional. Abby wanted him to be the old him, the one who chased and adored her, the Aiden that she fell for. But the universe was sad to report that that person doesn’t exist anymore. Too much has happened, too much time has passed. She said he changed. He surely hoped so, he put a lot of effort into changing himself for the better in order to improve his personality and achieve greater goals. It wasn’t his fault she didn’t want to change with him. Abby wanted the times to be the same all the time. But time, as any other thing in the world that we get used to, was temporary. It came and went and Aiden guessed if this was the same case for their relationship as well.

The blond man turned the little note in his hand. She didn’t put anything down on the backside. Disappointed. He flipped it over and looked blankly at the second word. “Toothpick”. Just for a change Aiden decided to be an optimist and he made his way to the kitchen in hopes to find a further clue. He grabbed the toothpick box from the upper cupboard to the right from the stove and studied it carefully. The picks weren’t arranged in any particular order, there were no notes on the side of the box. He carefully removed all of the picks, because he didn’t want to make a mess, and looked at the bottom of the empty tube and felt a rage growing inside of him. He put the toothpicks back into the tube, then into the cupboard and then he just stood there in an attempt to gather his mind in peace. His hands were on his hips, covered in his jogging trousers. At least he wasn’t a sociopath wearing jeans at home. His chest went up and down with every deep breath that he took and his nostrils made loud noises while passing the air in and out. After a long while Aiden opened his grey eyes, looking down at the ground, his feet and his white shirt. On the front side it had a picture of Pluto and a slogan saying “NEVER FORGET”. Abby didn’t fancy the shirt. In her defence, the old Aiden probably wouldn’t as well.

“Come on, it’s just a stupid riddle, don’t lose it over this.”

It wasn’t that Aiden had any rage problems. He was one of those rare men that were so calm that it was nearly impossible to make him mad. The only people that managed to get on his nerves were his family, but who doesn’t have a row while living under one roof once in a while. Other than that, Aiden was as peaceful as a baby panda. His rage was a seasonal treat, expressed by isolating himself from his own species and refusing to have intercourse.

Oh, how tempted he was to just give in for the other side of him, pulling him away from Abby. There were moments when he just wanted to let everything go and disappear. Like when she would leave her cup of tea on his work desk, snore a little at night, sing while cooking breakfast or mainly open her mouth every time. All the little things that drawn him to her seemed to repulse him now. He loved her to bits, he did, for so long. It’s just that he stopped a few days ago, on Monday, to be exact. Or maybe it just hit him on Monday. He had a long day at work, he was tired, grumpy and wet from the rain. In other words, miserable, as many of us are on Mondays. There was a lot of traffic, and then he noticed that he forgot some papers at work, so he got back, but the office was already closed, then he missed the next bus and so he finally made it through the door of their shared apartment on the third floor at 8.42PM. Abby came out of their bedroom and walked to him wearing his all time favourite outfit of hers: pink short shorts, revealing her long beautiful legs, a bra that she wore that day, which was revealing since she wasn’t wearing any shirt. On Monday it was a white one, he recalled it clearly. And she had a loose white silk robe, pulled on her small shoulders, but not knotted at the front, just that he could observe her while she was flying around with her white silk cape as if she was his personal superhero. A few months ago he would have forgotten everything in the world for a second, but on that particular Monday he felt nothing seeing her. He wanted her anywhere, but near him and the realisation hit him like a ton of bricks.

Aiden drank a little more and gave a chance for her third clue, “Bones”. There was a little graveyard just a few blocks away from their home, but he surely wasn’t going there at this hour. He fell loosely on the couch and spilled some gin on the shirt. So he got up and refilled the shortage. It was nice to have alcohol at home. It gave him a feeling of some sort of security. This time he carefully sat down on his previous spot and tried to think about Abigail’s riddle. But he couldn’t concentrate on it, since it wasn’t really an interesting activity for him. He was very direct in his life, riddles and clues were stupid in his mind. She could have just texted him where she was, if she wanted to see him.

Aiden tried to realise when was the first time, when their relationship got cold. He thought of numerous conversation when she just didn’t understand what he wanted from her. He wanted her to support him, to be there for him. But she denied the fact that he needed her. Abby was sure that he can manage everything he desires on his own. And it was true, Aiden truly had no limit. None of us do. We just make up those limits in order to keep our secure and comfortable lives. Aiden made up his mind to set his goals higher this time. He changed his job, signed for a couple additional courses and met new friends. After all, he was young and he was sure that he will be happy with the results of these changes. But the beginning was so hard that after a while, it got to him. Nothing seemed to be great, nothing seemed to please him. Everything was just okey. And okey was never enough for Aiden. All Abby had to do at that time was to give him a light squeeze and tell that it’s worth it, that he’s on a right path and that she will be there anytime he needs her. But what she did instead, was going out with her friends and thinking that he’s doing so great. He always does so great, why would  he stop now? And she was always out with friends that she didn’t even bothered to introduce to him. He couldn’t name at least two of them, but he was sure he would hate them. And when she would get back, she would drop some hints about his change or about his character traces that he was already insecure about. But Aiden never started a fight, it was too low for him, too dramatic and too tiring for his taste. And now it was stupid to bring it up, because it happened a while ago. Plus, as he now realised, their relationship was built on his ignorance. And you just cannot randomly shake the base of the relationship.

Perhaps it is worth mentioning that Aiden met new people, Jessica for example. He wasn’t cheating on Abby in any way. Jess was only his friend and it bothered him, how easily and fast she understood him. It bothered how naturally the conversation happened between them and how happy she made him. It bothered Aiden how much better it felt than his time spent with Abby. But most of all, it bothered him that this relationship didn’t bother Abby. She didn’t even notice that he had someone new and important in his life.

He looked around the living room where he and Abby used to spend so much time together. There were numerous projects that they both started, finished, neglected and procrastinated from laying all over the place. Pictures, memories, years surrounded him in defeating silence.

“Oh, she’s clever.”

Aiden looked once again at the little green note in his hand. He knew where she was. Toothpick is made out of wood, but doesn’t stand for a living tree, bones are not real bones, but parts of a complete body. Combine those two and you get an old swing set, standing in a big sand circle in the park near their neighbourhood. Four years ago Aiden set a date at the park, it was a special date for both of them. After a long walk and many laughs Abby and Aiden reached the swing set and she ran like a child towards it. He couldn’t help but laugh at her cuteness. She sat on the left seat and walked back just to drop herself in the air and started swinging. Aiden took a place to her right, but didn’t swing, he just observed her, while she casted a swiftly moving shadow on him while swinging. A few seconds later she stopped, covering the sun with her head and giving him a baffled look, why he wasn’t swinging. She looked so beautiful, the setting sun behind her gave her a light glimmering and shining, as if she was a saint. Or more like an angel. He shook his head and let out his feelings:

“I love you.”

It felt as if it was ages ago, but he melted at the sunny and warm memory. He didn’t regret this relationship, he regretted the way it ended. He looked at the watch on the wall, it was 7.30PM. She probably wanted to meet at the swing and have a nice date night. Maybe she was trying to make up, maybe she was just feeling like it, he didn’t know. But eventually he got up from the couch and went to their bedroom. He walked on the wooden floor, stepping on his own papers scattered all over the room, poems and short stories written on them. He grabbed his bag and threw some things in it from his closet. Then he found his favourite notebook and took it as well. After this he changed into presentable clothes and lingered in front of their bed before taking the bag into his hand. The bed in front of him reminded him how secure and comfortable his life was with Abby, how happy he used to be with her. Then he lightly nodded making up his mind, put the bag on his right shoulder and headed for the front door. The door was already opened when a spontaneous idea shoot across his mind. Aiden grabbed another note and a pen and wrote something down with his unreadable handwriting. He left Abby’s note on the table, there where he found it, and his just right next to it. He looked around the living room for the last time before leaving and smiled with an honest smile. And then he simply left. All of the pictures, memories and years faced his note, left for his beloved Abby “I don’t care anymore.”