Party Mood

Collin was in no mood for a party. It was one of those weeks or even months that just wasn’t as good as the others. And especially now, on a cold December night like this, the comparison of the present with the better times was obviously visible. He was driving for a while now and felt a bit sleepy, so he opened his window to let in the freezing biting air to wake him. A massive flock of snowflakes rushed into his face and he cursed out loud.

The road was empty and dark, the last car has passed by ten or fifteen minutes ago. Collin stared at the same repeating sight: the flickering reflectors on both sides of the road in the cultivated countryside and wet asphalt moving in a fast motion underneath the lights. The never changing image didn’t help him feel any better so he turned on the radio, but after going through all the stations he gave up. After all, there is no real music on the radio nowadays.

Collin tightened his grip on the steering wheel and moved a little bit in his seat. Even though it was warm, cozy and safe inside of the car, he wasn’t feeling the usual excitement while driving it. In the past two weeks everything was so hectic and tiring that nothing felt exciting anymore. He wasn’t that type of person to complain about something to the others, so no one was aware of his mood. Collin was a proud masochist, strongly convinced that this was his way of saving everyone’s day, by sparing his troubles for himself.

He thought about his friends and family members waiting for him at home. He knew they will have a nice time, but today he didn’t want any nice time. Well, he did. But that didn’t involve any of them. All Collin wanted tonight was to make loads of tea, get wasted with his own mojitos, crawl into the bed, make a burrito out of himself with blankets, watch all Harry Potter movies and listen to his embarrassing playlists till he falls asleep. He took a deep breath and sadly pointed out to himself that it was too easy and reachable to come true. He had people to see, conversations to have and smiles to fake. What a truly magical time of the year.

Truth be told, Collin was not exaggerating. Lately none of his dreams were coming true and that was happening for a very simple reason - he stopped having them. He just did what he had to do, which eventually became a habit of surviving. He longed for a dream, for an aim, for something to believe in. And the lack of inspiration to find at least one of those things kept him bitter. He knew that as any other time, he just needed a few days for himself to settle down and go back on his former track, being a happy fluff of joy, which was his normal natural state. But everyone went on with being wonderful and caring friends to him so it was just impossible to catch a break. Unconsciously he crossed his fingers in a foolish hope that none of them will notice his mood.

He hoped that his family won’t ask him about his non-existing love life. Also, he hoped his friends won’t make fun of his non-existing love life. Although it was tempting, he had to give them that. He wished that no one would show interest in his studies and no one would be curious about his shattered idea of his own business. He was praying that no one would mention any unfinished tasks that he successfully neglected. But most of all, he tried to have faith in universe that it will keep Alice away from his party. But as any other time, he was sure that the universe had other plans for him and especially for his feelings. She will go straight to him, he knew. She will not avoid talking to him, God, she isn’t even avoiding coming to see him. Alice will give him full Alice-experience by inviting him into her world and then making him an outsider in a matter of seconds. Collin will have to deal with it afterwards. And Collin absolutely did not want to deal with it. He looked up at the dark night sky full of starts and he had to agree:

“Very funny, universe. Very funny.”

Collin was driving over a bridge and he felt that the car was slightly sliding on the road because of the ice.

“Woah, easy there!”

He slowly hit the break until he felt more or less in control of the vehicle and then kept going in the same pace till he reached the end of the bridge. His heart was racing, but at least his sleepiness was gone. Collin looked at his watch, it was 8PM, so he still had a whole hour to get to the party and only ten kilometers left to his town. Before slowing down he made sure that no cars were coming from behind and then he set the car on cruise control. He didn’t want to come earlier, but he didn’t want to sit in the car somewhere in his neighborhood and wait till the time is right to show up. He could go to a café and get something to eat or to drink, but he was sure that his friends have prepared some snacks. Going to his friends wasn’t an option as well, since they were preparing for the party or they were already on the way. As he was rolling on the road, he passed a sign, suggesting to visit the waterfalls in the mountains. Of course he wasn’t going to go to the mountains at night, but it gave him a somewhat different idea.

Collin sped up and at the other intersection turned right, heading to the mountains. He was going to a place which he hadn’t visited in a long time. It was a forest near his hometown, where his family would go on long walks when he was a child. No one will be there at this hour, therefore, it was sort of an adventure. A smile appeared on his face when he arrived and saw that no cars were parked near the lake. As he slowed down snow made pleasant crunching noises underneath the tires. He turned off the engine and looked straight in front of him. He hesitated for a moment before stepping out into the night. But then he shook all the idiotic scary ideas out of his head and opened the door.

“I’m an adventurer, God damn it!” Collin made a valid whispering point and locked his car.

He put his pale hands into the pockets and walked in front of the car. It was a beautiful panoramic view of an enormous lake, which was frozen and covered with snow. The woods started just behind the horizontal line of the lake and merged into the same dark colour with the mountains. Collin admired the view while chunky snowflakes were falling on him and his hot breath came out of his mouth. He sniffed his nose a few times and made his way towards the lake.

He would walk for a few more minutes and forget about all his sadness, this was his usual deal. Collin would reflect on his satisfying life, loving and amazing family, great friends and the future that was ahead of him. All in all, Collin was a very positive person, he enjoyed living and adored his little experiences. He was aware that without such dull moments he couldn’t appreciate the heights of his average life. Tomorrow will be better, deep down he was sure of it. But in an hour like this, it became hard to keep up with himself. He wanted to be at the top in his fields. But he just started everything from the bottom, which meant that he needed to work for everything. As it turns out, it gets hard to work on something new when you had the same thing, but in old and better version.

“It wasn’t better, you fool. You just got used to it.” Collin spoke to himself.

Collin felt a kooky pleasure when he saw that he was the first one to go for a walk here - there were no footsteps in the snow. He jumped a few times just to hear snow making that snowy sounds that he loved.  He felt his mood lifting up minute after minute and he tried to think about all the positive things that he had in his life. Even about the little ones, such as a simple phone call that his old friend gave him today in the afternoon, food that his parents were preparing for him, his new wonderful friends in the new city that he really liked. And how could he forget the new dorky bands that he recently discovered. A wave of gratefulness rushed through him or as his good friend would put it:

“Fluffiness intensifies.” Collin said it out loud and had to laugh to himself.  

He was going for a while now and it gently became colder, which gave him a chance to turn around and get back to his car. And now, in the last moments of his self-therapy, he would reflect on his own greatness in order to lift himself up. He would tell himself that he is the most amazing human being and the happiest as well. If something happened in another way that he imagined or hoped for it to happen, it was just not meant to be and it was probably for the best. He had a great family and they were proud of him as much as he was of them. He loved his friends and they loved him back. He was doing good, no, he was doing great, and there shouldn’t be no pressure on him even if it was his birthday.

Collin slowly turned to the lake for one last gaze.

“Happy 25^th birthday, mate. We are getting there, we are so getting there.” Collin told himself, not because he liked to talk to himself out loud, but because sometimes he just needed an opinion from a trustworthy person.

He was about to get into the car and get to the party. Suddenly he felt the uplifting mood of his birthday and it made his heart squeeze a little. It will be a great night. He started to turn around, but something caught his eye on the surface of the lake. It was about twenty or thirty meters away from the shore, laying in the snow. He looked at it from the distance and couldn’t be sure of what it was. The contrast of the snow and the woods in the background irritated his eyes and he had to blink a few times in order to adjust to it. A rush of horror run through his mind before he shouted:

“I’m coming, stay where you are!”

It was a body, covered in black cloth, it seemed. He started to move towards it, not knowing what he was really doing. What should I do if he or she is dead? How did the person get there in the first place? He got his phone out and dialed police’s number. Collin tried to hurry up, but it was difficult since the ice was slippery. He made firm, but calm and slow movements, impatiently waiting for someone to speak to him on the other line:

“Come on, come on, pick up the phone. Hang in there!” Collin spoke to the non-responding body.

He was getting nervous, why did he even have to wait for the police to get to the phone, he asked himself. About ten meters were left between him and the body when somebody finally lazily opened the line:

“…Police Department, how can we help…”

“I’m at the Willow’s lake and I see a body on the ice of the lake, please send someone over here!”

“Are you sure of it?”

“Why are you wasting time on asking me such stupid questions when you could actually help me?..”

Collin got to the body and turned his phone flash light on to take a look at it. Anger and relief were mixed in his heart, it turned out to be a huge thick branch and a black trash bag caught on it. He let out a sigh and was so grateful that it was not a dead body.

“That would be a way to celebrate a birthday.” Collin mumbled to himself.

“Sir! Are you still there?!”

Collin put his phone up and spoke to the lady in an apologetic tone, explaining what just happened. She wasn’t really delighted with his story. And who would be while getting a minimum wage? He apologized one more time and she hung up on him. He stared at his screen not able to believe such rudeness.

After putting his phone into his pocket he turned back and began to slowly move towards his car. And then he heard a loud crack a few meters away.

“No no no, God, please, no…”

Collin began to move faster, but he did not know where did the ice brake and it was dark already. As lightly as possible he hopped on the ice. It was still quite far from the shore, but he knew he will make it, he just needed a few more steps and then a few more, and then… Another crack thundered in his ears and Collin lost his cool, he started to run, and before he knew, a flood of ice cold water sucked him into the welcoming darkness. Oh, what Collin would have given to be in a party mood in the first place.