The Blame Game

It started with a Bang!
One fair night with you
The two of use just wanting to hang
Both were pleased with the pleasant view

On date number three
You dropped an enormous bomb on me
I held your hand and looked into your eyes
This vulnerability from a stranger caught me with a frightening surprise
But you were fully there physically and emotionally
“You are so special” I thought
Why would I let past life struggles rip away what was so effortless given to me

You agreed to meet but were sad on date four
I immediately felt the cold caress of death
Couldn’t ask myself to return, Id already tried to concur it once before
It was once a battle Id fought long and hard
Succumbed to bloody knees with all of my efforts completely chard
And that was the first time I wanted to walk away
But your sweet resilience, your tender heart, convinced me to say

You shouldn’t have shared it so early and I shouldn’t have ran
But as the solemn saying goes ‘time and tide wait for no man’
And so we continued on with enough grace
With hope for the future which unforeseeably turned into a fast race

“I love you” was exchanged not shortly after
You said it first, I followed suit and lead to the cherished ornate altar
Both of us desired life of beautiful matrimony
Highly Doubtful.. rushing would have supported any sort of sustainable harmony
But nonetheless I proceeded
With words of admiration you won me over, they were repeated. They were repeated. They were repeated

Sentiments of love and lust and longing
Professed often enough with no action began to feel like a misbelonging
Doubt again began to creep in tainting my view
Time is all you needed to turn love into action I was so sure, I didn’t mind much because all I ever wanted was you

Forgive me for the times I unintentionally made you feel unwanted
But there were many more grievances of me you voiced and sometimes even taunted
From the legitimacy of religion to what you didn’t want me to eat
To indifference of acknowledging family and those you venomously didn’t want me to greet
From tales about your past lovers I listened to with content
To your jealous outbursts I received from stories I shared with no ill intent
From expecting me to tolerate your constant late night work hours
To accepting I’d never receive a sincere apology or even a bushel of flowers

Im sorry for not being pure bred enough
Im sorry for putting up a fight
Im sorry for trying to love someone rough
It scared me, making you feel like loving me was an insurmountable plight
I should had been more empathetic
I shouldn’t have been impatient in that way
Even so I wasn’t frivolous, you could have made the effort to stay


You said you went out of your way to be with me
But understand I did for you too
My patience, security, hopes and dreams dwindling
The decision to walk away again felt quite overdue

I anticipated celebration
Together and forever with you
Instead I found myself on bloody knees once again
Making a frightful and painful decision laden with rue
“Sounds good, take care of yourself, be well”
For days my soul could not sit still for the outcome was anything but swell

On the eve of the New year I sent you a note
So that ever you chose to have forgotten me at least you would know I did not gloat.
You were loved like no other, sincerely thought “the one” was you
Then you went ahead and wrote me back, a declaration of love, all I had to do was chose you too

Overwhelmed by it all I had to stay away
The last thing I said was “I love you too”
Know that that love for you will always stay.

I trust that things happen for all the right reasons
That Love and loss are all players in the changing of seasons
I hope our lives are filled with health and success
That love will find its sweet self to each of us
And Our stories will conclude in no other ending but bliss and happiness