Absent Explorers

Here's another Science Fiction Poem, this one a bit more sinister than my last entry.

ABSENT EXPLORERS

The corridors are empty

A dead ship in a black sea

Blinking buttons of computers

Pierce the dark of the bridge

They never should have landed

On the stormy planet red

Never did understand

What burned in their veins

One by one they fell

Traveling to the planet blue

Carrying with them the cursed air

To a civilization they never knew

©2014 by M.W. Griffith

Reviews

[Margo Seuss]

As I suspected! You're a humble bee! This is brilliant! Sci fi poetry! Never heard of such a phenomenon as this! The flow is great here. It rolls off the tongue..and brain (because I don't randomly read poems aloud to myself). My advice would be to work on the following lines:

"Blinking buttons of computers"--> maybe you could change this to something with a little more imagery like 'the eyes of computers, blinking in the dark'

"Never did understand" --> you need to answer the question who here. Who never understood? Answer: 'they never understood.'

Feel free to use what I have suggested in this poem! I think it's original and well written.

Margo Seuss
Courtesy of the Constructive Critics Group

[M.W. Griffith]

Thanks! I didn't expect you to force your way through this poem of mine. At least you have put a smile on my face today.

[Margo Seuss]

There was no force, my friend. I enjoyed it, honest to God!

[Jonas]

Wow, I myself can't accomplish such in a 10 of stanzas! Kudos to you.

[A. Amos]

An interesting piece of art, I thoroughly enjoyed your work and ideas within this poem.

[M.W. Griffith]

I appreciate that. I'm more of a story teller than a poet, and was trying to combine the two into a science fiction piece. It interests me because I don't see a lot of poetry in the science fiction genre.

[A. Amos]

Well you are so right about it, keep writing my friend and all the best.