Chapter Two

Gideon meets Zanie for their date and does what he has to do.

Even the stars had abandoned the desolate sky, as if ashamed of the things they witnessed, and frightened of who they had to answer to for it. 

Gideon was walking quickly, a bottle of wine in hand, with only three blocks between him and the choice he was about to make. Zanie’s fate rested in his back pocket.

He had already packed all of his stuff into a truck, which wasn’t saying a lot since Gideon didn’t own a lot of possessions. Only the necessities; when you’re constantly on the move, you don’t have time for collectables.

Gideon tried to empty his mind. “Shh. Shh. Shh.” The chanting never seemed to stop, just like his torments, just like his running. But what was scarier? Being damned to run forever, or to never run again? 

He wasn’t going to stop to find out.

He reached the front of her building and looked up at the empty sky. With a deep breath, he emptied his mind. It’s easier to forget if you don’t hold onto things to remember. 

He walked up the steps and knocked on the door. 

First he heard Bear, yelping and barking and growling and scratching at the door. Then the hurried footsteps, the slight pause before opening the door. 

She was wearing  a pretty dress, black with purple flowers, elegant and flattering to her figure. Her short hair was pinned back with pearls, and her smile was so endearing it made Gideon pause.

For just a moment, he froze. He let himself wonder. He let himself imagine a future of stopping, a future of resting here with her, of being happy. What would it be like living here with her, having a future with her? But that also required the question: what would it be like dying here with her? He stopped wondering. 

  He smiled back at her and held up the wine bottle. “I thought we should get to know each other over a drink first,” he said.

Zanie’s smile was positively glowing. “Yeah, that sounds great! Come in, come in.” He stepped into the warm room. It smelled like autumn, like pumpkins and crunching leaves. There were paintings all over the walls, most of the abstract, some starring Bear himself. Zanie led the way down a hall to a homey dining room. There was a table in the middle of the room with only seats for two, and a cascade of papers were occupying one of them. 

“I’m so sorry about that, let me get these out of your way.” Zanie fluttered over to the papers, scooping them in her arms and swiftly depositing them on the couch on the other side of the room. It was facing a small television, which was currently tuned into the news. She turned it off.

“Sorry for the mess, I didn’t really know what to expect for tonight, this being my first time finding my soulmate and all,” Zanie laughed and faced her wrist towards Gideon. He laughed along, keeping his wrist skilfully covered.

“My only wish is that you would’ve found me sooner,” he lied as he winked at her. She blushed again and replied, “Well, at least we’re here now.”

“Yes,” he agreed, “So let’s make the most of it.”

She smiled again. Actually, she smiled a lot, Gideon noticed. It was charming.

He glanced around the room again, but didn’t find any pictures of family or friends. He wondered who would miss her when she was gone. 

“So, what do you do?” he asked.

“What?” She sat down in one of the seats and shifted uncomfortably.

“I mean, for a living. What’s your job?”

“Oh, oh, of course. I’m a journalist, well, an intern really. But I’m getting there.” She laughed again. “That’s why there’s a trash of papers around, sorry again.”

“Don’t even worry about it,” Gideon replied reassuringly. “You should see my place.”

She laughed again. “Well, why don’t you pop open that wine and sit down! I want to find out who my soulmate is.” Zanie said. She was so genuinely excited. Genuinely happy.

“Sure, let me grab us some glasses,” Gideon said as he started moving toward the kitchen.

“Oh no, I’ve got it! You just sit down and make yourself at home.” Zanie got up from her seat, but before she could make it over Gideon stopped her and put his hands on her shoulders.

“No, I insist. You can turn on some music or something to set the mood,” he said.

Zanie turned on her heel and headed towards the TV. “What a gentleman,” she called over her shoulder. Gideon laughed and entered the kitchen.

~

It’s not like I want to do it. Like I enjoy doing it. I want Zanie to live a full life, I want her to finish her internship, I want her to be able to wear more flowery dresses. But you don’t always get what you want. 

There are just some things you have to do. Please understand. I’m not a monster. We are more alike than you think.

~

Gideon searched around the cabinets in the cramped kitchen until he found the glasses, pulling two down and promptly filling them with wine. He pulled the small bag of powder out of his pocket. This was why he was here. He had done this before. You would think that would make this easier, but it didn’t. It didn’t at all.

Yet, it had to be done.

It only took a tablespoon. A tablespoon, poured carefully into her glass. It wouldn’t be painful, at least that was reassuring. He could convince himself that at least her last moments would be pleasant. He stirred the mixture with his finger and wiped it briskly on his pants leg. The sooner this was over, the sooner he could leave. The sooner he could move on, start over. Until next time, that is. 

He carried the glasses out to the dining room, careful not to mix them up. Slow pop played in the background, and Zanie was swaying in her chair. His breathing felt loud, too loud, and Gideon was scared she would look into his eyes and know. But she just smiled at him and took her glass from his shaking hand.

He relaxed into the seat across from her and raised his glass. “To new beginnings,” he said.

“And to finding you,” Zanie added. She lifted her glass and took a small sip, but Gideon downed his entire glass and laughed. Zanie laughed too, hitting at his arm flirtatiously.

“C’mon, your turn,” he prompted her, looking at her in a way that he hoped alluded genuine affection and not the immense guilt that was gnawing away at his chest.

Zanie giggled and soon followed his lead, with Gideon’s eyes gazing at her intently, willing every gulp to do its job. The pounding in his head was back.

She set her glass down on the table with a thud. “Ta da!” she exclaimed, still giggling. Gideon didn’t laugh with her.

Her face soon turned serious. “What’s wrong?” she asked frantically. “What did I do?”

The words brought tears to Gideon’s eyes. “You didn’t do anything. You didn’t do anything wrong,” he assured her as he began to stand up. Already he could see her muscles twitching, her face slackening. 

“What’s wrong? What’s happening?” her words were slurring into one another and her head began to loll. He stooped over her and picked her up like a small child. “Shh, shh, shh,” he chanted. Tears began to stream down her cheeks while she stared up at him, unmoving. “You’re okay, you’re okay, I’m sorry, I’m so sorry Zanie.”

He laid her on the couch and buried his face into her shoulder until the twitching stopped. He looked up and put his hand on the side of her face, kissing her forehead. He closed those big brown eyes for good.

It was time to leave.

Author's Note

Please let me know what you think about this chapter! I would love to hear your advice! I hope to have the next chapter out soon.

Reviews

[barleygirl]

This is top-notch writing. I am completely impressed by your storytelling, your command of grammar & all that, & mostly becuz you capture how it really feels & sounds when two people are interacting. This interaction is totally believable & realistic to the way people act. Only one problem for me, that's a big TABLESPOON of s**t in the wine? That's way too much & it becomes unbelievable. Putting that much of anything into any drink would be noticeable. I would say more like an eighth of teaspoon. It sounds like this guy is trying to sedate an elephant! Really, tho . . . I haven't read you in a couple months becuz I was off writing a book & so I can't remember the first part of this story. Still, starting here, this chapter alone is very compelling to read & you set up the ending so that we want to find out what happens next (((HUGS))) Fondly, Margie