The Lake

My feet felt frozen in the snow-covered grass, as I watched Lucy’s helpless little brother fall through the ice into Lake Veronica.  I wanted to scream or yell for help, but I couldn’t.  From the corners of my eyes I saw Mike and Charlie trying to grab him from the side of the Lake and I head Julia and Lily on the phone with the Laytonville police, who we all knew wouldn’t come for a while.  All I could think of was Lucy and the guilt she must feel, she was supposed to be watching him and I had convinced her it would be fun to mess around with him.  I had said,

            “Hey Luke, betcha you can’t run across the ice.”  And everyone laughed as he eagerly stumbled onto the ice, except for Lucy. 

I could feel her standing beside me, her body as un-moving as mine, we both stood there like we were on our own planet.  And just like that Lucy was back on earth, bolting towards the water.

            “What the hell are you doing?” Mike yelled.  Lucy answered with a plunge through the ice after he little brother.

                              **********************************************************************

           

The blur of the ambulance taking away Luke’s lifeless body along with Lucy’s quivering one, haunts me.  In my sleep, during breakfast, at school, everywhere I can’t escape it.  February 27^th is a day that will always remind me what a horrid person I am.  After the lake incident Lucy and her family left town with out even saying goodbye, but who could blame them.  As spring flew by and the hot Laytonville summer blew in we, meaning Mike, Charlie, Julia, Lily and I, grew apart.  The burden of little Luke was too much for us all and we needed to be with people who didn’t have that weight on their shoulders.  We didn’t stop being best friends we just stopped hanging out.

 

            “Hey Molly, Molly!”  Charlie yelled from the other side of the street.  It was only days away from the start of a new school year.  With all my heart I wished things could just go back to normal, maybe this year could be a fresh start.

            “What’s up Charlie?”

            “Did you hear, Lucy’s coming back,” his smile was the complete opposite of how I was feeling; I felt the bolder on my shoulders push me down another inch.           

            “No, How? I mean did she call you?”

            “She called Mike, said her family had to mourn or something, but now there ready to come back,” Charlie was never that sensitive.

            “Do you think, you know, will she hate us?”

            “Nah, we were all just playing around, we never expected it to get out of hand.  Its not like we intentionally tried to hurt Luke.  Maybe Lucy coming back is a sign telling us we should all hang out again,” he touched my shoulder but I pushed him away.

            “Easy for you to say, you weren’t the one who told him to go out onto the ice,”

            “Mol-”

            “No Charlie, how stupid could I be, I know it is dangerous to be out on the ice, I knew it was a sunny day and the ice was probably thinner.  What I did was terrible, Lucy knows how terrible it was, why wouldn’t she hate me?” I felt even worse after hearing what I had done, what I had provoked, caused, spoken out loud.

            “Mol, everybody makes mistakes.  I am as much at fault as you are, I should have stopped him when I saw him walk onto the ice.  No one expected the little guy to go through with it.”

            “But he did Charlie, he did it, and we knew it was a possibility.  I knew somewhere in my mind that he might take on my challenge, that he might fall through the ice, that he might die.  The feeling just wasn’t strong enough.”

            “I don’t know, I just don’t know Molly.  I still think we should all hang out again,” he looked down and I could see him wiggle his toes through his ripped up shoes.

            “I guess it would be nice, I do miss you guys.”  Charlie grinned, and because his grin is so very sweet and contagious, I had to grin too.  Even though I felt like s**t.

           

Charlie, taking his own advice, made plans for all of us to hang out before Lucy came home.  To see if we were just avoiding all our pain and remorse, and maybe the only way to start moving on was to face it.

“Well...” Mike looked around at our awkward circle of best friends who couldn’t even look at each other.  Finally Charlie stood up,

“Come on guys, we’re best friends.  We’re just a little rusty, once we start talking and goofing off again everything will be fine when Lucy comes back.”

“Charlie, we can’t just ‘goof off’, we were responsible for a little boys death this year.  If we all want our lives and our friendship to go back to ‘normal’ we have to talk about Luke,” Lily pointed out the obvious reasons for the tension in the group.

For the next two hours, the people I have known practically my whole life and I sat around talking about Luke.  A death we felt responsible for, a wake up call for are careless actions.  When I spoke about how I consider myself most responsible, my friends listened and didn’t judge me or blame me.  Somewhere between Luke and talking about our lives, Lucy was mentioned.  How would we welcome her back?  Would she even want us to welcome her back?  Would she hate us?  My body became engulfed into more feelings that I had ever experienced, and once I began to see deeper into my compunction, I saw fear.  Lucy, one of my truest and dearest friends was hurt because of me.  I couldn’t even think of looking her in the eyes again, the fact that I caused her grief just killed me.  I was afraid to face Lucy.

“We’ll just go with the flow,” Julia tried to sum up.

“Yeah, we’ll treat her the same and welcome her,”

“But we know to be sensitive and mind the fact her brother recently died,” Mike finished Charlie’s sentence.  I couldn’t say a word.

 

“Bring Bring.”  The school bell tied a knot in my stomach.  It was the end of first period and I still hadn’t seen Lucy.

“Hey,” Charlie hugs me from behind; recently we have gotten close again.

“What’s up Charlie, have you seen Lucy yet?” I ask with a quiver in my voice.

“Nope, you?”

“No, but to be honest I’m dreading it,” I look down ashamed, “I got to go though, See you later.”

“Adios Amiga,” Charlie’s hand waved over the back of his head. 

 

 

My brain felt like a racecar as I walked the familiar hallways of

Laytonville High.  What if she didn’t come back?  What if I turn the next corner and she is standing there?  She is bound to be in one of my classes, we have such a small school. 

Suddenly she just appears, looking the same as always, beautifully shy.  Julia and I decided when we saw her we would embrace her, tell her much we missed her and then console her.  I couldn’t do it though, nano seconds after seeing her I underwent the feeling of everything around me coming to a halt, and I felt like I was back at the lake.  It was only Lucy, and me and what did I do, I run.  I whirl around while trying to shield my head from her and my feet take off like turtles on speed.  Only problem is, I think she saw me.

 

“Molly!” Lily calls me from table where all my friends are seated.  As I approach the table I see Lucy in the corner of my eye and I realize she is probably going to that table to.  And now that she possibly knows I’m avoiding her, I can’t sit at the table.  Instead I head off to the library to be alone with my thoughts, but honestly if I am alone with my thoughts any longer they might kill me.

 

My feet clumsily land one on top of the other as I walk from the library entranced by my thoughts.

“Molly,” Lucy says from across the crowded hall.  Finally this is my chance, I can’t make my friendship right with Lucy again.  But because I suck at life I pretend not to hear her and walk away.

***********************************************************************

            A week has gone by and I still haven’t talked to Lucy, all my other best friends have.  They’re all healing together without me.  I feel sick.  My bed begins to vibrate and I find my phone.

            “Hey girly, it Lily”

            “Oh hey, and what’s going on with you on this fine day?” I ask.

            “Nothing much, but a bunch of us are hanging out, you should come,”

            “Yeah sounds cool, um, ah is Lucy going to be there?”

            “’Course,”

            “Uh, you know… I don’t …I’m not going to come.  I have a lot of work and-” she cut me off.

            “Molly you can’t avoid her forever, we were talking last night and you ignoring her is only hurting her feelings,”

            “Lily, I can’t-”

            “Oh don’t give me that bullshit, I was at the lake to, and me and Lucy are getting close again.  You know, I can’t even talk to you right now,” I could almost feel her slamming down the phone.  I look down and I can see my hands trembling, I wanted to talk to Lucy I really did.  But besides the fact I was terrified, now she was mad at me.  How was I supposed to know when to approach her, I don’t even know what I could say.  As I lay in bed all Saturday, thoughts of Lucy eating me alive, I came to the conclusion that I had no idea who I was.  Last February I though I was good person with extraordinary friends, and now I can’t even confront one of my best friends and all my other friends probably look down me because of it.

           

            The pre-fall breeze hit my face as I walked down the road on Sunday night.  Charlie had convinced me to leave my house, said he wouldn’t stand for me staying in all weekend.  My feet moved to the sound of Charlie’s whistling as I sensed our thoughts syncing.  Taking in the trees and birds surrounding us, I was reminded of a time when my life wasn’t filled with this complicated mess and I took this beautiful nature for granted.  Suddenly without warning, my eyes became fixated on a figure in the distance, jogging towards us with a dog on her arm.  As she came closer I made out her face.  It was Lucy, and I was off sprinting down the road, leaves gathering in my hair, the dirt of the road aroused by my pounding heart, my thoughts scattered on the countries road, no time to stop to pick them up.  Air fighting to reach my empty lungs as the wind barricades my ears from any other sound.  I reach my house and swing open the door, still running I reach my room and collapse on the bed.  Still breathing heavy I try not to think, I am so relieved I left my haunting thoughts outside.  At least I have a little time to be at peace before I begin to judge my actions and myself again.  I let my eyelid slowly fall, and suddenly I hear a crash from downstairs and then footsteps up the stairs, it is all happening so quick I don’t know if I should be scared or not. Bam, my door burst open and I see the anger splattered on Charlie’s face.

            “Molly!  What the hell was that do have any idea what a b***h you’re being? Avoiding Lucy, acting like you are the only one who is grieving for Luke.  Not hanging out with your best friends because another one of your best friends will be there, and for what?  So you can sit at home like a loser instead of facing your fears and eventually had a good time.  Lucy was hurt this past year, her little brother died while he was under her care, she came back with a positive attitude and a new outlook on life.  Yeah, we all had an awkward period at the beginning filled with some anguishing memories, but were all moving one except you!  And you know what Molly, you are being so self centered you don’t even realize you are holding us back from fully moving on, because we want you to come with us and you are refusing to budge.  If you want nothing to do with us anymore fine, but running away from Lucy is completely, completely unacceptable.  To be honest Molly, I don’t want to leave you behind, so I’m working really hard to pull you along, but your making it really hard for me,” crying was a thing of the past for me by the time he stopped talking, I was sobbing.  The fattest tears anyone could imagine rolled down my face as I struggled to breath, as I struggled to live.  Through my tsunami I managed to gasp,

            “I-I know, I’m, can’t, so, scared, sorry.”  Seeing I got his message, Charlie sighed and pulled me into hug.  My tears soon wet his shirt and I could tell his was proud of his work, but also felt bad.

            “I can help you, you know that right?” he lifted my chin when my emotion began to simmer.

            “Thanks,” was the only word I remembered at the moment.

 

            It was me and Charlie’s plan to meet at lunch on Monday to talk over how I would apologize and fix things, unfortunately it wasn’t Lucy’s.  I was standing in front of school with Charlie before first period when Lucy stormed up to me and Charlie grabbed my arm so I wouldn’t flee,           

            “Hey Molls, long time no see,” she spat at me.

            “Lucy, hey, um how are you?”

            “Perfect, I’m just perfect,”

            “Look Lucy, I’m really sorry-”

            “Sorry for what Molly?  For Luke or for avoiding me?”  I felt Charlie grip loosen and I saw him walk away, sensing I had to be alone with Lucy, whether I liked it or not.

            “Both, what happened with Luke was terrible and I am glad you don’t hate me because of it, but I am more apologizing for how I reacted.  How I reacted at the lake by not doing anything to help and how I reacted when you came back.”

            “Molly, I would never hate for what happened with Luke.  I know it wasn’t intentional, I admit I was pissed for a really long time, but that is just one of the stages of grief.  I have thought long and hard about it and I am not mad anymore.  I will always be sad, but I have come to terms with Luke’s death,” her voice held sadness that abruptly turned into a harsh tone, “And if you would have came to me to talk about it like everyone else, we wouldn’t here now, instead we might be hanging out under the apple tree like old times.  I am pissed you ran away from me, I didn’t know what to think.  You were avoiding me, you hadn’t seen me in over six months and you wouldn’t even look at me.  Do you know how I felt!?”

            “I know.  Lucy I was, well I was scared.  Actually I was terrified of what you would think of me.  I mean, I told your brother to go-”

            “Molly I don’t want to talk about fault, we were all at fault and that’s the truth.”

            “Still, and when I saw you I panicked, and once you saw me walk away from you, I couldn’t face you.  Lucy,” tears slowly began to appear on my face, “I am so sorry, I never wanted our friendship to fall apart, I just didn’t know how to rekindle it.”  We stood in silence my fingers trembling at my sides, my quiet tears falling in between our shoes.  I felt at that moment such a connection between Lucy and me; like she was forgiving me and we were being molded back into our friendship.

            “I just want fresh start for us,” she looked into my eyes burning them with her emotions, “I miss telling you every thing Mol.”

            “I think that is what we need,” I grinned.

            “I guess this means we can all really start moving on.”

            “Most definitely,” I opened my arms to hug her, and just like that a little bit of weight came of my shoulders.

            

 

Author's Note

I know it's not perfect, then again nothing ever is

Reviews

[Saturnalia]

I suggest you go back and edit it for spelling and grammar; it can really deter a reader. Otherwise, the concept is good. It shows how we are human and the mistakes we make.

[Elana Juli Royson]

Your story is very good. It makes you think about the bonds of friendship and how one little thing can mess it up. It also shows how friends heal after a fight or a death. I liked your story a lot. Keep writing!