The Words Forbidden

The toxicity of inadequacy
It trickles
It taunts
It taints
The perception of self
The one you store on the shelf
For everyone to see
Who you try so hard to be

But the facade
It cracks
The poison corroding
The fast-spreading tracks
As your insides are imploding
Like a home
Without foundation
Crumbling more rapidly
Increased acceleration

It's too far gone
It can't be stopped
What do you do
Once it all just... drops?

Will you show your face?
Without the mask to hide
Will it slow the pace
Of the echoes thumping inside?

I try to decrease my meds
Thinking I'll feel better
But it f***s with my head
My soul and my mind
They can't work together

They look around
And see all the flaws
"You shouldn't have said that"
"I hope nobody saw"

It's an endless cycle
Of self-deprecation
We're our own worst critic
And it feeds to depression

It fuels the fire
Of the anxiety inside
The flames reach higher
Until there's nowhere to hide

Nowhere to breathe
And nowhere to be
Exposed and broken
For the whole world to see

But what will they think
When they realise it's false?
The person you presented,
Shouldn't have these faults

Shouldn't have these thoughts
Shouldn't have this pain
But here we are
Come full circle again

It feels never-ending
And it's so damn exhausting
You're breaking, not bending
Your vision distorting

It's like a kaleidoscope
But the glass is all shattered
You try to peer though
But the world looks too battered

Or maybe that's just you
And you're seeing your reflection
Behind the fake smiles
And the constant deflections

To the "are you okay?'s"
And the "how was your day?"
You lie through your teeth
Not revealing what's beneath

"I'm fine, I'm good
Had a really good day."
That's the standard response
'Cause what else could you say?

Keep the monsters hidden
You can't let them show
Don't speak the words forbidden
Don't let them know

Reviews

[nadia dmitri]

This is such a raw and beautifully written piece. Every line held so much weight.
"It's like a kaleidoscope
But the glass is all shattered
You try to peer though
But the world looks too battered"
This is my favourite stanza, what a heartbreaking image.

Amazing job :)

[Emily Rose]

Thank you so much Nadia! That means a lot to me :)

[Chris Shaw]

Those monsters, the anxiety, the overthinking, they can drive you nuts. This is an account of all the negatives that can course through your mind like a turbulent river, blocking the sunshine out. You covered the subject matter well. It’s a curse Emily Rose and common too. Thank you for the friendship request. Really appreciate that. Pleased to meet you.

Chris

[Emily Rose]

Thank you for your comment Chris! I'm excited to read some more of your work :)