Too soon to be related

this was written in english class its about a relative one real one not and how they effected the person you became pst...both the relatives in my essay were real just don't tell my teacher. the story of an evil man that made me want to be good.

He had haunted my dreams ever since I can remember. A cruel man, full of greed and hate. his features were blurred,yet harsh. from what i could see, he had short, black, wavey hair, was tall and slenderly built, and his eyes were a soulless pit of black. If it didn't seem so wrong, I'd say he was a handsome man. it was his vulgar actions and behavior that made him ugly. His name was Vitelio Villareal, and it was because of him that i feared the very thought of drifting off. Every night was a frightning new experience, as i took a side glance of bits and pieces of what made him, him. In my dreams i'd see things nobody would ever wish to see.

 

It was ten o' clock at night and i was slowly fading into the dark depths of the "black zone", at least thats what i called it. It was a place of nothingness and I stayed there untill he finally fell into my vision. His eyes were strained and focused. He was watching something. It was as if he could see me: as if he knew i was there. A crooked smile flickerd across his face, a look of anticipation. It  became clear he wasn't staring at me as the dream became more vivid. His clothes were dusty and worn, and he had pulled a bandana over his face. he was leaning on a horse and he wasn't alone. he was waiting near a railroad in the middle of nowhere, with a group of four indians and a wagon. Each one of them was roaring to go as soon as that train showed. He had got the idea during the region of Pancho Villa. I remembered the day i dreamt of him suggesting it to his crew. It was comming...I should of know. His face looked so devilish as the light of the fire danced along his face. As much as I had hated to admit it, I had figured him out. he was always batting his eyelashes at Death, but never really committed to die. His crew stared back at him blankly, a bit skeptical. The places they normally robbed didn't move, but he figured if Pancho Villa could do it, then so could they. When the train came through they took off in a flash. they held up the train at gun point, then went to work loading the wagon full of gold. When the job was done, they rode off. The originally plan was to bury the gold at a nearby barn, then come back later when all the commotion died down and retrieve it. Vitelio had his men dig as he stood there and watching and waiting, menacingly. My stomach churned, he had that look on his face again. I knew something bad was going to happen and as much as I wanted to wake up something kept me there. So i watched as he reached out his arm and shot each man of his crew as their backs were turned, not wanting to share the wealth ahead but keep it all to himself. He always got what he wanted, or in my great Grandpa Trindad Vargas's case, Vitellio took what he wanted. When he first laid eyes on Trindad's beautiful little sister, he had to have her. She was sixteen years old and Vitellio was thirty-eight years old, when he entered her room and stole her from her bed. Afterwards, he kept her confined as if she were in a jail cell. Even after he married her, she was forbidden to see her family. Years past after the train hold up, and Vitellio returned with his three sons to unbury the gold, and with the gold which in the end wasn't souly for him he was able to put his kids in college.

 

I knew now why the man had invaded my dreams, who he was and that by marraige he was related to me. Then i woke up breathing hard, drenched with sweat. I knew the truth it had come to me in the form of a dream, wanting to be let out. I felt a little bit at ease, somehow knowing that this would be the nightmare to end all the nightmares, and that i'd be free.

 

Vitellio was everything I hated and everything I would never want to be and that's why I choose to remain forever me leaving the parts of them in the past.

Author's Note

Vitellio is real and so is Trindad. Trindad is my grandmother's father (may she rest in peace). The only fabrication in this story comes from there looks the features of vitellio are unknow to me i never knew the dude. My grandpa and grandma were invited to the wedding although they weren't allowed to be to close to Vitellio's wife (my grandma's father's sister) they did get a glimpse of the gold. lucky them. oh yeah and also the whole haunting my dreams...not real just a way to tell the amazing story.

Reviews

[KID]

its a really interesting story. when i read this i think i forgot that you told me that he was real. anyways i'm glad your good at this.

[Lynx]

Oooh, very descriptive essay, the kind that creates a new world in the reader's eyes.

I often post up here English essays too.. xD haha. Often the topics the teachers give kind'a inspire, lolz.

A few things I noticed though, that you used the words he, his and him too much, it starts to become quite a nuisance after the third time it begins a sentece. I had the same problem, but my English teacher pointed it out to me after the third time I forced him to find something wrong about my story, xD "Nonexistent Truth" (which is on here, xD)

Another thing I noticed is how the middle passage is SO LONG, it kind'a makes it hard to concentrate, as I feel as if I'm never going to finish reading that large mass of letters... xD.

Overall I love this story, (I read the wrong story the first time, I was searching for stories about vampires, xD) it's very realistic, etc.

I tend to write too much in these reviews, sorry, hehe.

[C.J.]

fact is a hard topic to write on for me and you seem like you could write on it so easaly good job on this and i think you could go more in depth in this so why not try?

[by S.D.]

I like its historical basis. It was a very interesting approach.

[Nik Dendera]

Nice work, good idea and concept of the storytelling.

A few typos and grammar errors, but hey, even I screw that up from time to time. Why not expand on this? I know some of it is based on fact, so why not use it as a basis for a much longer, more elaborate story? You've got the makings of an excellent piece.

Some really nice vivid descriptions and feelings here. Enjoyed it!