Dangerous love

my friend didn't like the male in this story/ poem, what am i saying she didn't like the story...too bold?

 

 

A story about a abusive love, a faulty one.

 

 

Dangerous Love

 

By: Elyssa Reyna

 

 

 

At first it was just uncertain feelings, then one BOLD move and its love she speaks of, but then it slips and she tries to HIDE as he shows his violent side. Never before did she THINK she’d be one to FALL into a broken love she SAW what had happened to her sister, but still she did not tell. His I LOVE U’S a deceiving spell. Then when she looked back to the BEGINNING she saw the STUPIDITY in it all, but she saw this too LATE as she realizes where she is SPRAWLED on the floor in FEAR that he’ll finish what he started, straddled over her body, bat in hand and his face which USE TO be kind, burning with HATRED, obsession, and what she feared the most love… A DANGEROUS LOVE.  He wanted to HURT her for her to FEEL what he so heavily FELT. Underneath him she TREMBLED, she was seeing what he was, his true IDENTITY, jealousy flaring, and suspicion RISING, “with my friend you w***e!”, he SCREAMED. These accusations confused her, he was TRAPPED in his own DELUSIONS. Was he forgetting who she was…her with all her INNOCENCE? 

Reviews

[bailish]

"I don't know if I should continue it." Only you can answer that, because only you know how you will change it and add to it. The worst writing can be modified to become a bestseller, but it all depends on the writer's determination to make it so. In other words, if you're going to put the time and effort into it to do it right, then you should. continue. But if you're not prepared to do that, then leave it as is.

Now, about your writing. That was powerful. No, it was damn powerful. You are writing from the woman's perspective, but getting inside the man's thoughts. Keep with that formula, and your reader will not be able to put it down.

[These Haunted Hallways]

Pretty frightening, if ya ask me. Was very well written, yet with some very scary scenes included in it. Abusive relationships and domestic violence seems to be on the rise these days, and it's a very sad case. Powerful story here. Im wishing for the peace.

B.A.

[Almost Alive]

I don't about this, the story seems interesting, but, I preffer poems and lyrics x_x
Regardless, I might keep an eye on this; looks interesting

[Nik Dendera]

The seeds of something amazing are herein. You've got strength in plot, strength in character psychology and a knack for storytelling. What can I say? With a bit of elbow grease, this could be bloody fantastic.

[C.J.]

like quietpoet said it is a great work and its just starting work on this a little more and you will have a great pice and very good job.

[QuietPoet]

Very sad write. And I think you should continue it. It is a good start. Work at it and you'll have an amazing piece.

[Adam]

I agree with Bailish. You have a very strong way of writing, and it draws me in to it. I enjoy stories that pull me in, and I also enjoy writing them. In my honest opinion I believe you should continue on with it...it would make a fantastic novella, something I could foresee myself reading in the summer on the beach (which is my favorite place to read at night and reserved for only the most interesting of books...haha I tend to indulge in good literature).

Thank you for requesting my participation in reading this! It was certainly time well spent.

[CLUTZ]

i think you should. it pulls a person in and makes them want to continue reading. tells about something that has always been true and only a few have been able to get out of the relationship and then speak out about it. i like i t