Creeps in the Alphabet

    Lemon juice, sugar, cherry schnapps, and lots of vodka went into a pint
glass. Half an hour before the show started, Kevin figured it was time for his
patented ’demonade’. Gulping it down, the fire in his throat got him started.
A second glass"more vodka and less sugar that time"and he was beginning
to feel pretty damn good. Six months on tour, and it still took liquid courage
to get over the stage jitters.

    Wandering over to the mirror, he was reminded of the drawback of his
favorite drink"all that dye in the schnapps left him with red teeth, and he got
his toothbrush out of its case in his travel bag and headed to the bathroom.
Mark was already in there, trying vainly to flatten out his hair.

    ”Why do they insist on doing this to me?” he asked Kevin as he walked in.

”Why was it decided that I should look like I lost a fight with a vandergraph
generator? Who thinks that’s attractive?”

    ”Same people who think I should wear pants too tight to sit down in,”
replied Kevin as he spat crimson into the sink. ”Look, it sucks, but we’re
opening for Virtual Ground. The best exposure we could’ve hoped for.”

    ”I know, this is an amazing opportunity. But that doesn’t mean I’m not
going to b***h about my hair.” After a few more futile thwaps to his head,
Mark left to go tune for the hundredth time. As he walked down the bustling
cinder block hallway, he heard someone call out to him. Turning around, a
blond blur in a twin set and tweed skirt came hurtling towards him, knocking
a couple of guys from lighting into the wall.

    ”Erica!” Mark couldn’t believe his fianćee was in his arms. He kissed her       
soundly.

    ”I heard that Creeps in the Alphabet was coming to Chicago, and I
figured seeing you was worth the drive,” she said, hugging him tightly. ”I
can’t believe you guys have gotten this big! I had to wait in quite the line to
get tickets.”

    ”Everyone’s here to see Virtual Ground,” Mark reminded her. ”We’re
just the opening act.”

    ”Well, first of all, I don’t give a damn about Virtual Ground"they’re way
over hyped. And second of all, the guys behind me in line were talking about
you. And your new album. Apparently I’m not the only one who thinks you
guys are awesome.’

    Mark smiled, and shepherded her into the dressing room, out of the way.

    ”I’m proud of you"you know that right?” She asked, settling into his lap
on the battered couch.

    ”Of course. And I’m proud of you too. You’ve been a second grade teacher for almost a whole year now, and every time I talk to you, you seem more settled in and confident.”

    ”Well, the kids are great. I swear, every day they come up with something
completely hilarious, or ask questions I’ve never thought of.”

    ”Someday, we’re going to have kids of our own,” he said, kissing her
lightly on the forehead. ”And you are going to be the most awesome mother
ever.” She smiled and kissed him back.

    ”And you are going to be the most awesome rock star dad ever. And we
are going to be the sappiest parents ever.”

    Mark just grinned, thinking about how perfect everything was. A year
ago, and he and Kevin had been stuck in telemarketing jobs, convinced that
they’d never get signed, and Erica had been stressed to the max, trying to
finish her masters. All their plans had kept them going, though.

    He and Kevin had played at every coffee shop, every underground club,
every wedding and birthday party until they’d finally saved up enough to get
an album out. And then they’t told everyone to tell everyone about it until
they got signed by an independent label. And now he was here, with Erica,
about to go out on stage.

    Kevin poked his head in, ”Hey, Mark we need to"Erica!” She jumped up
and hugged him. ”Here to cheer your favorite band?”

    ”Yes. And the third row will be filled with teachers from Patrick Henry
Elementary"-so thank me for the publicity.”

    ”Always,” he replied, and kissed her on the cheek. He looked at Mark
and Erica, and pulled them both into a hug. ”But, I’ve gotta take your man
away for a bit. We’ve got a show to do.”

    ”Alright, then I guess its time for me to find my seat.” Giving Mark one
long good-luck kiss, she left.

    ”Are you ready?” asked Kevin.

    ”Naturally. Lets go out and do this!” He shouted, getting psyched up,
but noticing vodka over the minty toothpaste-y smell of Kevin’s breath, he
worried. Perhaps things weren’t quite so perfect. But he couldn’t think
about that now. Now there was music, and nothing else.

Author's Note

I know that this needs major editing--I just can't quite tell where the story is going. Any suggestions?

Reviews

[Andrew Schecker]

I like the brief commentary on the record industry and the glimpse we get into the main character's head.

I'm not very comfortable with the amount of slang I saw. I've always thought the strongest writing tends to find ways of painting vivid pictures without having to use the vernacular of a culture.

Don't think I didn't like your story though, It was very nice and interesting. Not sure where else you can go with it though. You've basically got the premise for a full short story, I guess you can just build on the experiences of the main character and be more descriptive.