Greyscale

I once dated a boy. This did not go well.

When all you know is muddy waters,

Clarity is stained glass.

I was only glad to see the colours that dazzled; the shapes that broke my view

Through a window-pane, I will not recognize you.

The view is not radiant; it is human

You refuse to be black and white �"

You are greyscale

 

With blinkers set firmly on either sides of my eyes,

There was nothing else for me to see.

You have ripped them from my temples, and, faced with a morality I do not understand,

I run into the thicket; I will not be appeased by you

But did I force your hand?

And until the day I hear the truth from your familiar mouth, I will not know

For you are greyscale

 

A child left to be raised by wolves,

But a wolf has to bite, eventually.

What have you been to me, but the first to bite? The first to taste �"

To taste my lips and my tears

Be gentle, I begged, for I have not been broken,

And was it your hands that slipped, or did you throw me to the ground?

(We all start off fragile, after all)

You are greyscale.

 

I could have sworn I saw your heart,

In the way you looked at me, but your eyes were always clouded

I could have sworn it was the look of one captivated by another, desperate for another, in awe of another

To question that gaze feels like blasphemy.

And all that I know of you meets in a clash, all of your great truths and your lies,

For you are the sweetest and most ominous man I will ever know

Trapped in greyscale.

 

You had my love, though it was naïve,

Not deep �" but raw, and foreign

Like a scrape to a child’s knee, all that was felt was all too real to a fresh heart that knew nothing of love

A wizened soul would not have �" I am not a wizened soul

I am a puppy, a child, my eyes wide but not seeing

Was that you wanted �" to be the first to claim possession of a young girls adoration?

You are greyscale.

 

If only you could speak �"

Speak, I beg! Put my mind to rest

Soothe me like you used to; this time, not with words of comfort, but words of closure

My tongue is heavy with loaded apologies

Until I know that they are yours, they cannot leave me

But there is no black and white

Forever, you are greyscale.