Latter Day Blues

Bracing myself for the abrasiveness
that is this cold-bitter world
As I pack my bags and head for the hills
I tremble with fears and the silent
rolling tears unearth all the emotions
I had not yet been in touch with
My posture has weakened
The density of my head
filled with  emotion after emotion
Rambling fact after constructed trivial idea
sinks into my shoulders.

My lifeline-my family and friends I’ve always known
Discarding me as if it’s supposed to be
As if I should be excited that all the things I spent the last eighteen years becoming comfortable and familiar with are perfectly accepting of morphing that relationship entirely.
What am I to do now?
That I am alone in this new place
New people, new buildings, new personalities
Adjusting to new personalities
Altering your own personality to adjust to new personalities
How can one tell me everything will be all right and that I will adjust and have the time of my life?
My life is back home.
But this is my home, now.

Who decided this was the right path?
What is it that claims that this is what will bring me happiness
This is what decides my fate and where I go
Well, I never wanted to go anywhere
And now this is the maker of my dreams
I find it confining and controlling
For a time where I am supposed to let myself be free and explore
This is the most restricting arena, my life that is one I have yet to even know is placed under a scope
and alludes back to this moment
As in this is where it all stems from, this is it.
How can such an experience possibly be seen as good? Beneficial?
I am perturbed by this exclamation
How can the people I hold so near and dear tell me that this is the time of my life when I will find myself?

I thought I was in the right direction before
And then I was shipped.
They may be older, and on some levels wiser
But in no way can they be right
This is just the beginning I’m lead to believe
And I want to believe it
But if that is the case,
Everything else must change
And in a world where everything is everything
How can I possibly accept and appreciate such a circumstance?
It’s all about perspective and all of them change
They have to, so they say.
I beg and I beg to differ
Yet here I am, stuck in the hills
starting my life

Reviews

[Michael Kevin Spencer]

Intense, I could feel the emotion of a lifetime in this, compact and diffuse like youth overflowing from your veins!

There was narriative, insecurity, questioning, existentialism - so much to deal with at times.