The microphone..

From "Portraits" - a main character about to cross a threshold.

The microphone.

As she carefully stepped onto the stage, she felt in her whole body that this was the big moment, that could change her life. There was a restless little tremble in her hands, but also a calm and focused feeling, that this was the moment where she was going to become who she was always meant to be. There was something in her that felt like a substance filling its form, and of something growing into what it was supposed to be, by nature.

  She walked slowly with confidence and pose towards the microphone, trying to make each and every little movement and step into something present, beautiful, and leading up to what was about to happen. It was both terrifying and exciting at the same time, a mix of a life long dream created by the mind of a little child, and the assertiveness of an adult and experienced performer, repeating and doing the same thing as she had done so many times before, only this time under a bit different circumstances, and admittedly, with much higher stakes.

  It was a little and a giant step together, in one little moment. “You’ll be fine, you can do it!” she heard her mother’s voice in the back of her mind, for the first time in many years. It was a warm and supportive voice, and it made her posture just a little bit more self-assured, almost forceful, and added the little tinge of emotion, a connection, that would give the voice an extra dimension of color and of something intangible and softly human. “Thank you”, she whispered back in her thoughts, while looking towards the audience with a smile, seeing only the overflowing bright lights directed towards her, and below, a mumbling darkness in anticipation.

  It was a secret dream she had had as a little girl, a dream that she wouldn’t have shared with the other kids, and one that she didn’t believe in herself until many many years later. She had grown up in a musical household, a supportive family with a teacher mother and a father who was a writer but who also played some music in a jazz band with his friends, and the house was always filled with joy and songs she thought were beautiful and inspiring, and many who spoke to her directly in her solitary moments, being just her and the music, and the voices of the greatest singers of the time.

  Her two siblings, a brother and a sister, briefly played some instruments in their younger years, but not with the same passion or interest, even though they both had quite a bit of talent in them. But through adolescence some other things had come to grab their attention and time, and then the years would pass by, and the music would remain just a small, but important part of their lives. Her brother later became a military officer who traveled around the world, but who always found his way to a piano where he could play his favorite old jazz tunes from the 1930’s and 40’s. And her sister stayed in their home town for her whole life and became a preschool teacher, and then later in life working with cultural programs in the community, focusing on music as an important part of bringing people together and giving inspiration and hope to the people struggling through their tougher times in life.

  But not Ella.

  She kept her dream for herself, and the secret moments of loving the music and the big voices that she could listen to for hours, getting to know them better and better every time she heard them.

Reviews

[NautPsycho]

Returning the favor :-)

I connect with Ella like most people who have harbored a secret desire and appreciation for art and it's creation. So I think right away this is an excellent little piece. Recently I feel that I've arrived in much the same place that she has herself, finally stepping up to the microphone making her secret passion public and opening herself to the doors that this will eventually open or close as the case may be.

I noticed a few grammatical errors but they weren't glaring enough to be a distraction. It's a pretty solid piece of writing.

Technical issues aside, I feel that the character is relatable especially to we brave folks who are writers, musicians, actors ect. Performing and writing are equally intensely personal and intensely public and it takes an incredible amount of personal strength to expose oneself the the inevitable ridicule we as creators are often subjected to. But it is in these moments that we grow and learn and become better at our respective crafts. And I think you do an excellent job of describing the personal history of this character as it relates to her passion in life. It's always a wonderful and terrifying experience to finally bring out into public our inner most desires and passions. But oh- what a freeing experience it can be - even as it is fraught with danger.

I hope she makes it and becomes a star! :-)

[Dave Ellis]

Hi :)
Thanks so much for this! Very thoughtful and nice comment, and I love your descriptions of how you connect and relate!! It really makes me happy, comforted, and kind of humble... not sure how to describe it.
Just one of those a bit magic things about other people reading your work and connecting to it on a deeper level. One of the great gifts about writing, and sharing it, too :)

So many other things to comment on here..

Firstly,
it was written inspired by a friend I made in Florence a couple of years ago, a newly retired Opera-singer from the NY State Opera. She is just a wonderful person, and after that trip I wanted to write some "portraits" about great people I've met on travels - from a different age in their lives. So that's maybe 30% of her in there.

The second intention was just to describe a decisive moment in a life, when it really matters. Most days and even years can be slushy and drifting, perhaps pleasantly so, but then suddenly, there's a real moment of life-changing significance. When a person becomes who they are "meant" to be, by nature.

And agreed on everything you mention about stepping up, things being intensely personal and intensely public at the same time, it's just so well written and described in your comment! :)

I have discovered one little thing though, about the exposure; the value of having someone close to you to share the writings with first, who can understand and give nice feedback. It gives the work an "armor" of sorts. After that, it's like feedback becomes "someone's opinion", rather than an authoritative judgement.

But back to the start,
I'm very thankful for the comment, thank you.

And,
yes,
she does become a big star! Once-in-a-century singer. Because of her talent, but mostly because of her deeper and inner love for music. It shines through in every detail of her beautiful voice.
:)

[SRMarx]

This is a cool story. Very relatable!

[Dave Ellis]

Thank you!