Qualsm

Yes, the title is spelled correctly. It's a bit of a pun, only, I played with letters to make a play on words ;P

This is not salvation pelting my skin

Where has the lamb hidden away from this sin?

Who’re you, who am I, whose face will I see?

A serpent born from abnormality?

 

Away in the desert I long for the dew

Temptation presents, in failure I rue

Where are you, where am I, why can’t I breathe?

My fluttering heart in a desperate seethe

 

It is nigh, the crow cries, deny or accept?

The baby was born, but no mirth was kept

To taste or to kiss, the bread or betrayal?

Shall I be swept away in the earth’s final gale?

 

I’ve loved and I’ve loathed, I’ve hindered and helped,

I’ve been a lion, and I’ve been a whelp

Am I good or bad, monochrome or bright?

Will all this matter upon my last night?

 

A smile unseen, a conception of pure

A footstep unnoticed, a game of demure?

Away in my bedroom, a candle awaits

To flicker or falter, to define my fate.

Author's Note

So, this kind of surprised me. I wasn't in a writing mood at all today, it's very gloomy outside, so perhaps that's why this turned out a little melodramatic ;P
The opening line is completely credited to the gloom though, as I was thinking about how badly I would be pelted if I tried to go outside, lol.
I'm not really sure who the 'speaker' is in this poem. I see pieces of myself in it, but I don't see any of myself at the same time. It's odd. I was raised Roman Catholic though, so I threw in a lot of symbolism. Can you find them all? ;D
Anyway, the last line of the first stanza felt a bit... off. Feedback is wonderful, but not demanded. Thanks for reading! :)

Reviews

[Zeitgeist Manifesto]

I could understand this poem becoming very controversial. lol. I saw a lot of references to stories and parables. The stoning..the tempting..the arc..the strength of protecting others..and many other things came to mind. Will the carnal shell smother out the light inside ..or will the spiritual aura become the glow that guides one in the dark?

It made me think about how just one second of devotion to a new life is just as worthy as 100 years..and how defined that line is between carnal and spiritual.

You really stressed how definitive that line is. That really charged the poem with the emotions of uncertainty. I really felt the desire..perhaps even obsession to belong, know you belong, but not have any idea where.

This poem was deep. There was so much to think about..it was shuffling in a storm and trying to dodge the raindrops. I know I missed a lot in this review, but it would most likely end up turning into a book.

[Crow]

I love it, the symbolic concepts are everywhere. Well written!

[RonaldxRaygun]

I really like some of the old fashioned word choice, it fits well with this type of poem. Also some of the words you use are just unique too. Kind of reminds me of Keats or Shelley. I'm not sure what some of the questions really mean. Really appealing use of language though.

[Gareth James]

firstly, i feel there are way too many questions in this. i dont have a problemw ith one or two, but to open and close it with a question and to litter it thoughout gets a bit repetitive and leaves the rader with no real interpretation, but just as much confusion as the writer ...

however, the actual conten is as smooth as kittens, it flows and rhymes and feels natural. and even the ideas presented and meaningful and have a due thought process behind them. i cant say i understand completely what youre getting at but thats because of my original point.

[Crusaderscross]

I loved this poem. I find that the subject is quite conflicted. The flow is superb and the choice of words and symbolism really well done. Enjoyed it.

[JelliFyshKissUs]

This is the greatest poem I have read since I've started review. Who doesn't feel like this at some point--if not often. Beautiful. Oh so beautiful. I wouldn't ask you to change a thing. Bravo.

[Steve]

I like it Alana.....it's very intelligently and thoughtfully written. I like the part about defining your fate

[Jason Clement]

The only line I'd change is the "I've loved and I've hated"...it sounds weird, throws the rhythm off. Try replacing hated with loathed maybe, it'd flow better.

[Aven]

"Away in my bedroom, a candle awaits. To flicker or falter, to define my fate." I'm in love with your poetry. :)