Qualsm

Yes, the title is spelled correctly. It's a bit of a pun, only, I played with letters to make a play on words ;P

This is not salvation pelting my skin

Where has the lamb hidden away from this sin?

Who’re you, who am I, whose face will I see?

A serpent born from abnormality?

 

Away in the desert I long for the dew

Temptation presents, in failure I rue

Where are you, where am I, why can’t I breathe?

My fluttering heart in a desperate seethe

 

It is nigh, the crow cries, deny or accept?

The baby was born, but no mirth was kept

To taste or to kiss, the bread or betrayal?

Shall I be swept away in the earth’s final gale?

 

I’ve loved and I’ve loathed, I’ve hindered and helped,

I’ve been a lion, and I’ve been a whelp

Am I good or bad, monochrome or bright?

Will all this matter upon my last night?

 

A smile unseen, a conception of pure

A footstep unnoticed, a game of demure?

Away in my bedroom, a candle awaits

To flicker or falter, to define my fate.

Author's Note

So, this kind of surprised me. I wasn't in a writing mood at all today, it's very gloomy outside, so perhaps that's why this turned out a little melodramatic ;P
The opening line is completely credited to the gloom though, as I was thinking about how badly I would be pelted if I tried to go outside, lol.
I'm not really sure who the 'speaker' is in this poem. I see pieces of myself in it, but I don't see any of myself at the same time. It's odd. I was raised Roman Catholic though, so I threw in a lot of symbolism. Can you find them all? ;D
Anyway, the last line of the first stanza felt a bit... off. Feedback is wonderful, but not demanded. Thanks for reading! :)

Reviews

[Zeitgeist Manifesto]

I could understand this poem becoming very controversial. lol. I saw a lot of references to stories and parables. The stoning..the tempting..the arc..the strength of protecting others..and many other things came to mind. Will the carnal shell smother out the light inside ..or will the spiritual aura become the glow that guides one in the dark?

It made me think about how just one second of devotion to a new life is just as worthy as 100 years..and how defined that line is between carnal and spiritual.

You really stressed how definitive that line is. That really charged the poem with the emotions of uncertainty. I really felt the desire..perhaps even obsession to belong, know you belong, but not have any idea where.

This poem was deep. There was so much to think about..it was shuffling in a storm and trying to dodge the raindrops. I know I missed a lot in this review, but it would most likely end up turning into a book.

[William Maisonave]

I loved it.

[Tony]

I see alot of biblical references-- "stanza 1: salvation, lamb, sin, serpent Stanza 2: desert tempation-- allusion toward Jesus's temptation in the wilderness from Matthew 4 and Luke 4. Stanza 3: "The baby was born", "mirth", "bread", "Shall i be swept away in the earth's final gale?"-- allusion toward the book of Revelations end times prophecies. That looks like most of 'em but idk.
The biblical references give this poem a rich depth-- I like that. Oh almost forgot-- I liked the play on words with the title and especially with "Who're you" that's cool. An all around enjoyable read-- great work!

[Alex Zynder]

i like how your writing seems modern and classical at the same time, some of the best body of works i have seen online :)

[Sliver of Reality]

Yeah, I think that is poem is good. It's missing a lot of basic explaination because the words are not simple to read. maybe everyone's poem should stand for interpretation but you have to lead the way. I liked how it was written but I don't like the way it was stated if you know what I mean.

[Tate Morgan]

We all attach symbols to everything in an attempt to prove that what we believe is truth not lies

[Nobody.]

I like it. Very spiritual. Very visual. Completely engrossing. I thought the whole thing was quite interesting.
cheers!

[Kelley]

This was a great poem Alana and I did see your symbolism like
'lamb hidden away from this sin" and "serpent born from abnormality"
I smiled when you used the word "monochrome" I used Adobe After Effects a lot and thats about the only place I see that word and its not used in a poetic since ....smiles.

Anyway great poem thanks for sharing.

Kelley

[anonymously anisha]

i love all the Biblical allusions, i thought it added this incredible depth to your poem. i don't know exactly what it is, but this is a poem that will stick with me. i love love love it.

[Wondering Mind]

An interesting read and thoughtfully written poem.

[Coyote Poetry]

A amazing poem. Written with great skill.
"Who’re you, who am I, whose face will I see?
A serpent born from abnormality?"
So many lines stood out. I believe we are responsible for very deed and action. Karma is a fair judge. A powerful poem. Open up many good questions that take a lifetime to answer. A excellent poem.
Coyote