The Enemy

This came to me while I was doing laundry. I think my muse likes to attack me at extremely random moments. Also, back to rhyme I go :P

Traitorous lips catch on thorns of a rose,

Misleading petals, crimson exposed.

Traitorous tongue twists into a snarl,

Cheek reflect mindset, unkempt morale.

Traitorous fingers reach out to collide,

Trembling and anxious, humanity hides.

Escape from the seed on wavering legs,

For the traitorous heart never ceases to beg.

Author's Note

Sometimes, I never know what I'm writing about until it's over. Often, those are my favourite forms of writing, the ones that surprise even the writer after the words reveal themselves.
I seem to like short pieces, I haven't written anything long in ages. Perhaps I'll expand on this, what do you think?
Also, I felt 'snarl' and 'morale' seemed a little weak. Any feedback would be wonderful, thank you :)

Reviews

[R E Tree]

I sometimes write like that. But I feel confused when I do. A part of me feels I'm not doing my best and I can do better if I just concentrated a little more. Then the other part of me is saying you are doing it perfectly right. I enjoyed this poem as I love nature. I love flowers they are beautiful.

[nostal]

Very clever rhyme and flow.

[Talkativeted]

Really like the way this poem is put together. the choice of words fit the rhyme so don't worry about that. I call it poetic licence :)

[Sender UpWords]

This is a well crafted piece. The words are well selected and utilized and convey a very emotional message. I really enjoyed this. Love and Light, Sender

[JelliFyshKissUs]

I love how short and choppy this poem is. I think that's where the true poets shine--when you get the sense in little words. I think you should make 'tongue' plural. And maybe--just a suggestion--you could have the tongue catch on thorns and have the lips twist up into snarls... like untamed stems, aching to mar... or something like that. I don't know. But I love it!

[Abdul Aziz]

Brilliant. And I'm glad to see you're back at your rhythmic best in this poem. The way your poems make our tongues roll, is just awesome. As opposed to the "twisting" your portray in your poem ;) I feel this poem is intentionally ambiguous. You sure can be as vague with the details as you want to, when you feel like it! This poem kind of reads like how Corey has described it. It's like there's a lot of pushing and pulling going around, and romance going through, at the same time. The concluding line is particularly intriguing to me. Great job overall! This is going into my favorites!

[Aven]

Wow, this is amazing, I wish laundry was as interesting in my house. :]

[Adelia Alighieri]

I like it, pretty much indeed. The over use of the word 'traitorous' seemed a bit off to me though, but you said much in a short poem as such. Very nice.

[Crowley]

this a great short piece even if you didn't know how it was going to turn out. Reminds me of a lover scorned or cheated on and the ensuing wrath...that may not be it, but that is the feeling I got when i read it. It is a little stern and a lot romantic.....but love me or leave me romantic. Sorry if I am way off. Loved this.